ptotoshop
If you drink enough, your brain starts photoshopping people!
thefun
self punishment
I would rather die: A husband walks in on his wife having an affair. Enraged, the husband grabs the man and takes him out to… Read More »self punishment
sweet aroma
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to… Read More »sweet aroma
almost
Just because she weighed as much as two women…. doesn’t mean you had a threesome.
headache
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the… Read More »headache
kidnapping
According to the anti-piracy ads “Copying DVDs is steeling” By that logic, taking a photo is kidnapping.
light
And the lord said “let there be light!”… And beer has never been the same since.
mouth to mouth
I opened a new bottle of wine today and let it breathe… It didnt look to be breathing so I gave it mouth to mouth!
no one
I’ve spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law’s killer, but no one is willing to do it.
lap dancing
I don’t understand the point of lap dancing clubs. …If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay… Read More »lap dancing
easiest way
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Friday
Why is Friday the most feminine day of the week? It takes forever to come.
So this guy at my school wanted to do cheerleading but it’s not…
So this guy at my school wanted to do cheerleading but it’s not co-ed and everyone was calling him gay. They said that wrestling was… Read More »So this guy at my school wanted to do cheerleading but it’s not…
bullshit
Heard on the radio today that global warming is being caused by methane emissions from cows. Does this mean scientists are finally admiting global warming… Read More »bullshit
tales
When women have a few cocktails, they often discuss a few cock tales.
dedication
I’ve been married to my wife ten years today. Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication. I don’t know how… Read More »dedication
salesman
I sell security alarms door to door, and I’m really good at it. I mean if they aren’t home…. I just leave a brochure on… Read More »salesman
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures!
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures!
g-spot
Most womens G-spots are located about 2 inches inside a mans wallet.
waiting game
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.
no caffeine
Drinking coffee with no caffeine is like masturbating with a condom on.
fingers
My wife was complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did, The middle one.
viagraccino
Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.
prood
Oh,you want proof that prayer doesn’t work? just look at the middle east
hormonika
Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone? A: He was too busy playing the hormonica
applause
If you like to listen to music while having sex. Play a live album. That way you get an applause every 4 minutes.
suffer
Ladies! Men don’t suffer from premature ejaculation. You do.
pervs
Logic: 1.The Government can access any personal info sent over smartphones. 2.Teenagers send each other nudes. 3. The Government is full of giant pervs.
chances
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. …Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.