reason
I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.
thefun
difference
5 missed calls from your girlfriend means, you missed a fuck; 5 missed calls from your wife means, you are fucked!
Never wave to your friends at an auction.
Never wave to your friends at an auction.
hello, I am..
Internet was not working last night spent time with family. They seem to be nice people.
f job
My wife filed for divorce when she found out I was in porn… what a hypocritical bitch, she was the one that told me to… Read More »f job
bad language
Just tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling some deaf girl I fucked her husband.
multiple
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? Thanks, guys.
cheat
I’m holding a latte and a croissant while I break into this Mercedes… That way people will think its mine and I locked my keys… Read More »cheat
no change
How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb ? None. Politicians never change anything.
movie
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to windows 7. He replied “I still love vista, baby.”
Devil: Welcome to Hell…you’re trapped here for eternity,…
Devil: Welcome to Hell…you’re trapped here for eternity, burning in the flames fueled by your sins. Me: What’s your WiFi password?”
An Ad from Durex Condoms:: To all the customers of our…
An Ad from Durex Condoms:: To all the customers of our competitors” Happy Fathers Day”
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job?
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job? He needed Space…
trhreesome
NSA agent: honey I’m home Wife: how was work? NSA agent: it was great, i had phone sex threesome with a couple and they didn’t… Read More »trhreesome
alone
I don’t always get text messages, but when I do they start with “Dear Customer..”
Why did god create the orgasm?
why did god create the orgasm? so women can still moan even when they’re happy.
so hard
Mom: Don’t make me count to three! Me: Why? Is it to hard for you?
advice
I ignored my doctor’s advice and ended up in hospital. I maybe should have stopped banging his wife.
wrong
I just bought an answering machine and it doesn’t work. Or maybe I’m just asking it the wrong questions.
absolutely
I’m absolutely awesome in bed… Yesterday, I slept in until 2pm!!
I will..
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Diet Tip: Don’t visit your grandmother.
Diet Tip: Don’t visit your grandmother.
Colbie
I learn from the mistakes of others who have taken my advise.
your turn
A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. Boob: I give milk to new… Read More »your turn
songs
Some historians believe the word “Love” stems from an old Viking word meaning “Vagina”. With this in mind, lets take a look at some song… Read More »songs
special day
I lost my job and my wife on the same day. …Thank you Mega millions
who tf
So after my prostate exam the doctor left and the nurse came in a few seconds later and uttered the 5 words noone ever wants… Read More »who tf
pissed
Last year, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family for Christmas. My husband was pissed!
When a woman says “what?” It doesn’t mean she didn’t hear you,…
When a woman says “what?” It doesn’t mean she didn’t hear you, it means she’s giving you a chance to correct herself.
I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all.
I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all. Very pleasent and quite erotic actually…. watching four chicks in flimsy swimwear wash my… Read More »I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all.