for my wife
People look at me strange when I buy tampons at the supermarket. “They’re for the wife,” I say patiently, as I pack them away. Then… Read More »for my wife
thefun
razor
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that… Read More »razor
horndog
At the marriage counselor, my wife says, “I do SO enjoy sex! But this horndog wants it five or six times a YEAR!”
difference
What women want to see in a man .. kindness , romance, tenderness, and loyalty What a man wants to see in a woman ..… Read More »difference
watch
While at the mall the other day, I saw a sign saying “Watch repairs”… Wasn’t very interesting to be honest, I’d rather watch porn!!
one day
baby: ” you mean to tell me one day I’m gonna have to pay to suck on boobies!?” mom: ” yes,now suck it”
gentlemen
My boyfriend opened the car door for me last night. It would have been a sweet gesture had we not been going 70 mph.
like her
A completely wasted man walked into a bar and after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over… Read More »like her
offshore
I’ve deposited so much sperm in the sperm bank.. I’ve had to open up an Offshore Wank account..
lack of evidence
My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled “You’re being charged for being good in bed…” After 2 minutes she said… Read More »lack of evidence
A sign at my local swimming pool: WELCOME TO OUR OOL NOTICE…
A sign at my local swimming pool: WELCOME TO OUR OOL NOTICE THERE IS NO P IN IT, WE WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT
incomplete
According to the Institute of Incomplete Research, 9 out of 10 people…
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative…
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few… Read More »A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative…
red duck
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told… Read More »red duck
well done
John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. “Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?” “I can’t thank you enough, sir,”… Read More »well done
waiting
No, standing as close to me as you possibly can, will not make the line move faster.
ptotoshop
If you drink enough, your brain starts photoshopping people!
self punishment
I would rather die: A husband walks in on his wife having an affair. Enraged, the husband grabs the man and takes him out to… Read More »self punishment
sweet aroma
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to… Read More »sweet aroma
almost
Just because she weighed as much as two women…. doesn’t mean you had a threesome.
headache
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the… Read More »headache
kidnapping
According to the anti-piracy ads “Copying DVDs is steeling” By that logic, taking a photo is kidnapping.
light
And the lord said “let there be light!”… And beer has never been the same since.
mouth to mouth
I opened a new bottle of wine today and let it breathe… It didnt look to be breathing so I gave it mouth to mouth!
no one
I’ve spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law’s killer, but no one is willing to do it.
lap dancing
I don’t understand the point of lap dancing clubs. …If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay… Read More »lap dancing
easiest way
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Friday
Why is Friday the most feminine day of the week? It takes forever to come.