The internet is a drug.
The internet is a drug. You get on for 1 minute to check your Facebook, 4 hours later your pants are down by your ankles… Read More »The internet is a drug.
thefun
nothing new
They say the Kindle Fire is the first tablet that allows you to communicate with the cloud. I found I was able to communicate with… Read More »nothing new
cat life
How is it that whenever I run over a cat it’s on it’s 9th life?
the near future
Standing on the street, I was telling a co worker about how the government plants surveillance devices in street equipment to watch us… “That’s a… Read More »the near future
Swiss
“What’s the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?” “Well, the flag is a big plus!”
warning
My favorite bumper sticker: “If you can read this, I can slam on my breaks and sue you.”
а finger
My blonde secretary had to take down a lot of notes, so I told her she could use my Dictaphone. She said, “No, thanks. I’ll… Read More »а finger
advice
Be yourself. Unless you want to be with me. Then be what I want. At the exact moment that I want it. – All women
what to do
After spending every spare minute of the last ten years trying to perfect my cloning machine, I finally cracked it last night. Now I don’t… Read More »what to do
smudge
Now that most computers have touchscreens, websites should make their advertising links look like smudges.
“People should just mind their own business,” probably the…
“People should just mind their own business,” probably the funniest thing I’ve ever read on a social networking site.
Classic- “Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite…
Classic- “Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I’ll be watching you.” -The Dog
revenge
A bird shat on my arm. So naturally I wiped it off with a piece of bread and fed it to the bastard. Check mate… Read More »revenge
The sight of a woman’s cleavage reduces a man’s ability to think…
The sight of a woman’s cleavage reduces a man’s ability to think clearly by 50% Per boob.
I put “your name” on my paper and when the teacher said “who put…
I put “your name” on my paper and when the teacher said “who put your name on their paper?” everybody raised their hands.
“My dad says, you can check my computer.
“My dad says, you can check my computer. Is that right, Mr. Obama?” “He’s not your dad.”
I will be answering all questions…with my middle fiinger today
i will be answering all questions…with my middle fiinger today
always listening
I’m not talking to myself, I’m talking to the NSA!
fried people
in a thousand years archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment
love handles
My blonde friend said she’s getting some new piercings. I asked where. “My love handles,” she replied. “But what if you lose them?” I asked.… Read More »love handles
nerves
I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.My boss immediately came over and… Read More »nerves
french embassy
An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak. After a long search he just couldn’t find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
“Look here, what are you doing?” the officer asked.
Read More »french embassy
dates
WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates
compliment
I love what you have done with your hair, how do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
wonderful man
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
Read More »wonderful man
from dirty joker
–MY APOLOGIES TO E.A POE– Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious website of “Hot… Read More »from dirty joker
yard sale
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighbourhood. Suddenly he realised there was a couple making… Read More »yard sale
What’s on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees:…
What’s on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし What you remember:
blonde
Death : ” its time , give me your hand ” Blonde : ” No way , I know that if I don’t touch you… Read More »blonde
avoiding
When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.