different
I don’t know babe, you have an iPhone and I have an Android. We’re just two completely different people.
thefun
better place
Men, never go to a bar to pick up women. Just hang out in the shower head section at Home Depot.
I’ve just dropped my wife off at her mom’s, on my way to the bar.
I’ve just dropped my wife off at her mom’s, on my way to the bar. Man I fucking love this helicopter.
before
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor… Read More »before
drown
If humans stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown.
no matter
What I’ve learned from movies: No matter how fast you run, a psychopath can catch up to you by slowly walking.
already
When I tell my barber to “take a little off the top”, he tells me god already beat him to it.
ghosts
A professor at Auburn University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. Getting a feel for his students, he asks “How many of you believe… Read More »ghosts
bacon
I looked at my girlfriend ,who was sitting next to me, and I thought to myself, “My God, what a beauty! What a woman! True… Read More »bacon
no problem
My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today. I shouted, “You fucking Asshole! I come in at 7.30 and don’t get thanks… Read More »no problem
big and round
Her: Babe, I’m wet 😉 Dumb Boyfriend: Oh, you want a paper towel? Her: Stop playing around babe, I’m serious! DB: Ohhh, you want two… Read More »big and round
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when an absolutely stunning blonde with big tits and a perfect body walked… Read More »Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
carnival
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks “What are you dressed as?” He… Read More »carnival
winner
Had a fight with an erection this morning. I beat it single handedly.
price
‘organic’ is a special term used in supermarkets meaning ‘twice as expensive’
reason
I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.
difference
5 missed calls from your girlfriend means, you missed a fuck; 5 missed calls from your wife means, you are fucked!
Never wave to your friends at an auction.
Never wave to your friends at an auction.
hello, I am..
Internet was not working last night spent time with family. They seem to be nice people.
f job
My wife filed for divorce when she found out I was in porn… what a hypocritical bitch, she was the one that told me to… Read More »f job
bad language
Just tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling some deaf girl I fucked her husband.
multiple
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? Thanks, guys.
cheat
I’m holding a latte and a croissant while I break into this Mercedes… That way people will think its mine and I locked my keys… Read More »cheat
no change
How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb ? None. Politicians never change anything.
movie
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to windows 7. He replied “I still love vista, baby.”
Devil: Welcome to Hell…you’re trapped here for eternity,…
Devil: Welcome to Hell…you’re trapped here for eternity, burning in the flames fueled by your sins. Me: What’s your WiFi password?”
An Ad from Durex Condoms:: To all the customers of our…
An Ad from Durex Condoms:: To all the customers of our competitors” Happy Fathers Day”
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job?
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job? He needed Space…
trhreesome
NSA agent: honey I’m home Wife: how was work? NSA agent: it was great, i had phone sex threesome with a couple and they didn’t… Read More »trhreesome
alone
I don’t always get text messages, but when I do they start with “Dear Customer..”