the future
My art teacher told us to draw what the future would look like. Everyone drew flying cars and spaceships. I drew a shell gas station… Read More »the future
thefun
My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the…
My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the real reason I hired him.
O, shit…
My grandad asked me what I wanted for my birthday so I told him a ship in a bottle… Shame his hearing is getting bad.
cheers
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends!….. may they never meet!
advice
To my future kids: You are gonna start out with a flip phone,I don’t care if the Galaxy S10 is out,you are gonna know the… Read More »advice
prank
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off… Read More »prank
reason
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia…. I can’t sleep because I have internet.
suddenly
I took off my boyfriend’s glasses last night and said, “Wow, you’re stunning!” He said, “And so are you…. …suddenly.”
fantasy
My husband asked me to dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy… that we have health insurance.
awkward
There’s nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for… Read More »awkward
nice…
Pick-up line: “I think it’s high time someone came over here and told you what everyone has been saying about you behind your back.” “And… Read More »nice…
confused
Ladies..Men think with their penis… So if you see one scratching their crotch, it means they’re confused.
I just made a sex tape. but I guess Home Alone is already taken.
I just made a sex tape. but I guess Home Alone is already taken.
like mal nipple
Religion is like the male nipple: It has survived years of human evolution despite having no useful purpose.
How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5, one to screw it in, and four to sing about how… Read More »How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I read somewhere that 37 is too old to still be living with your…
I read somewhere that 37 is too old to still be living with your parents. It was on a note, in my bedroom.
no, I am not
My friend said im trivial and boring. Funny thing, Did you know the word ‘trivia’ has an interesting origin story.
procedure
Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed. Still, I got some fantastic… Read More »procedure
one eye
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of… Read More »one eye
once or twice
My young Secretary was telling me a story today, that she had great sex last night with her boyfriend. But when they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked her boyfriend what happened to the other five condoms?
He told her he’d masturbated with them.
Read More »once or twice
honestly
I was in a coffee shop a couple of weeks ago and I overheard this woman say, “Guys who drive expensive cars have small penises.”… Read More »honestly
Obama 2008: yes, we can Obama 2013: yes, we scan
Obama 2008: yes, we can Obama 2013: yes, we scan
compromise
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat.
regret
If you get drunk and don’t regret anything the next day, then something is wrong with the way you drink!!
S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
Read More »S-H-I-T
Misspelled words can sometime ruin your life.
Misspelled words can sometime ruin your life. One man sent this text to his wife..”I’m having a great time, wish you were her.
mini skirt
Girl: My lips are so chapped! Nerd: Well, it’s your own fault for wearing mini skirts in winter.
interesting ad
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Read More »interesting ad
not capable
Group sex… For those not capable of getting the job done themselves!!
at 16
When I was a kid, we all played spin the bottle. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it… Read More »at 16