A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
Read More »S-H-I-T
Misspelled words can sometime ruin your life. One man sent this text to his wife..”I’m having a great time, wish you were her.
Girl: My lips are so chapped! Nerd: Well, it’s your own fault for wearing mini skirts in winter.
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Read More »interesting ad
Group sex… For those not capable of getting the job done themselves!!
When I was a kid, we all played spin the bottle. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it… Read More »at 16
The internet is a drug. You get on for 1 minute to check your Facebook, 4 hours later your pants are down by your ankles… Read More »The internet is a drug.
They say the Kindle Fire is the first tablet that allows you to communicate with the cloud. I found I was able to communicate with… Read More »nothing new
How is it that whenever I run over a cat it’s on it’s 9th life?
Standing on the street, I was telling a co worker about how the government plants surveillance devices in street equipment to watch us… “That’s a… Read More »the near future
“What’s the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?” “Well, the flag is a big plus!”
My favorite bumper sticker: “If you can read this, I can slam on my breaks and sue you.”
My blonde secretary had to take down a lot of notes, so I told her she could use my Dictaphone. She said, “No, thanks. I’ll… Read More »а finger
Be yourself. Unless you want to be with me. Then be what I want. At the exact moment that I want it. – All women
After spending every spare minute of the last ten years trying to perfect my cloning machine, I finally cracked it last night. Now I don’t… Read More »what to do
Now that most computers have touchscreens, websites should make their advertising links look like smudges.
“People should just mind their own business,” probably the funniest thing I’ve ever read on a social networking site.
Classic- “Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I’ll be watching you.” -The Dog
A bird shat on my arm. So naturally I wiped it off with a piece of bread and fed it to the bastard. Check mate… Read More »revenge
The sight of a woman’s cleavage reduces a man’s ability to think clearly by 50% Per boob.
I put “your name” on my paper and when the teacher said “who put your name on their paper?” everybody raised their hands.
“My dad says, you can check my computer. Is that right, Mr. Obama?” “He’s not your dad.”
i will be answering all questions…with my middle fiinger today
I’m not talking to myself, I’m talking to the NSA!
in a thousand years archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment
My blonde friend said she’s getting some new piercings. I asked where. “My love handles,” she replied. “But what if you lose them?” I asked.… Read More »love handles
I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.My boss immediately came over and… Read More »nerves
An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak. After a long search he just couldn’t find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
“Look here, what are you doing?” the officer asked.
Read More »french embassy
WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates
I love what you have done with your hair, how do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?