follow
-so… where were do you wanna go? – don’t speak, just follow your heart. – come on dude be serious or get out of my… Read More »follow
thefun
witch
Last Halloween I shouted to the wife “Baby there’s at witch the door, what should I do?” She shouted “Give her some candy and tell… Read More »witch
difference
DATING: “Oh, you’re so funny! I just love a man with a great sense of humor! ” RELATIONSHIP: “What the fuck is wrong with you?!… Read More »difference
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like…
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it? No? How… Read More »Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like…
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they…
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
second
My girlfriend notices i play X-box a lot.One afternoon she came over when i was playing X-box and she said “its like your second girlfriend”.I… Read More »second
“did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” “sir…” “you’re…
“did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” “sir…” “you’re everything I wish I could be.” “sir, I’m getting rained on, please just take your… Read More »“did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” “sir…” “you’re…
scare
Ladies, if you really wanna scare a guy this year, don’t get a costume. Get a shirt that says “Ready for marriage” or “Size matters” …
trust
Trust is the most important thing in any relationship.. Without 100% trust in a woman, how do you know she won’t tell your wife?
surprised
I just won an Academy Award for acting surprised when my credit card was declined.
ligjter
The new iPad Air will make your wallet very lighter.
moaning
moan louder every time the cashier scans one of your items
Halloween
This Halloween I’m dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes.
by itself
“I’m leaving you” my wife screamed, ” You don’t lift a finger around this house.” “And what about this?” I replied, waving remote control. “Does… Read More »by itself
do you believe
Do you believe in love at first sight ? Because you might want to try losing some weight, if you want that shit to happen.
my mouth
I told my wife “Everybody thinks I’m too sarcastic.” “What makes you say that?” she asked. I said “My mouth.”
anything
What do you say toa girl who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? Anything she wants to hear.
style
my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.
it’s complicated
I had to change my relationship status on facebook to “It’s complicated” after breaking my right hand.
sense of humour
I came home today to find my wife on ebay again. My kids have a weird sense of humor.
no excuse
people with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this morning saying “My car won’t start.” He asked “What about the bus?”… Read More »I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
conversation
-Shhhh -Shhhh -Shhhh -Shhhh A conversation between a cobra and a librarian.
wanna play
“Truth or Dare” “Truth” “Whats your credit card number?”
prank
Thing that cracks up all the time… ( it works 🙂 Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up… Read More »prank
price
Me: Oh thats cute *Checks price tag* Me:No its not
been here
“hmm ive been here before” “how do you know?” “the wifi connects automatically”
to save the Saturday
A man was hit by a car and wasn’t breathing. Witnesses called paramedics but they were afraid he wouldn’t make it. A civilian rushed into… Read More »to save the Saturday
I love you
Me: I’m gonna study this year.. I have to make my Parents proud & get better grades.. Internet: What did you say ? Me: Nothing,… Read More »I love you
pathetic joke
I named my cat “Honey”. So when I get home i can shout. “Honey, I’m home!” Then cry for 20 minutes cause my life Is… Read More »pathetic joke