not looking
I wonder if the saying “You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it” applies to money too? Because let me be clear …..I’m NOT… Read More »not looking
thefun
advice
Guys, if you want your relationship to last, learn these six words: “You’re right. I’m wrong. I’m sorry.”
small
The good thing about smart cars is, if you get bored with the color, you can buy a bottle of nail polish and change it.
Christmas period
Tampax has announced that they will be removing the string from tampons and replacing it with tinsil. This is for the Christmas period only.
medical team
How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. But it takes an expert medical team to remove it.
his wife
A teacher was teaching her class the differences between right and wrong. “Here is an example children” she said. “If I were to go into… Read More »his wife
wife’s family
When a doctor remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It runs in my family.” “Your mother’s side… Read More »wife’s family
next level
Look.. I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but I think it’s time we take our relationship to the… Read More »next level
They want too
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church… everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want… Read More »They want too
who hasn’t
Mama Bear: “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” Papa Bear: “Who hasn’t, you whore?!?”
my eyes are here
I know how women feel, I’ve had pair of breast tattooed on my forehead and now it’s like… Hellooo, my eyes are down here!
no more gifts
My wife asked me, “Honey, before we got married you use to give me gifts now you don’t, why?” “Have you ever seen a fisherman… Read More »no more gifts
I am..
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
jealous
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
too much
Me: ‘I”ve decided to stop studying.” Mom -”How come?” Me-”I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.”
excuse
heres an excuse for bald men: its not a bald spot it’s a solar panel for a sex machine
movie reviewer
When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I’m a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
mistake
I sent texts to the wrong people. Now my wife thinks I’m gonna fuck her, and my girlfriend thinks I work late.
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” the doctor observed. To the 1st mother,… Read More »A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
I want to make a drink named F5…
I want to make a drink named F5… Cause it will be refreshing.
advice
Dear Microsoft, If you had called it “Bang” instead of “Bing,” you’d have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.
difference
Girls: Age 14, Look 18, Act 21 Guys: Age 21, Look 18, Act 14
old fashioned
people who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still update their MySpace profiles
except
saw this girl the other day… She’s so beautiful it’s like in heaven above gaved her everything… well except my phone number
follow
-so… where were do you wanna go? – don’t speak, just follow your heart. – come on dude be serious or get out of my… Read More »follow
witch
Last Halloween I shouted to the wife “Baby there’s at witch the door, what should I do?” She shouted “Give her some candy and tell… Read More »witch
difference
DATING: “Oh, you’re so funny! I just love a man with a great sense of humor! ” RELATIONSHIP: “What the fuck is wrong with you?!… Read More »difference
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like…
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it? No? How… Read More »Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like…
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they…
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
second
My girlfriend notices i play X-box a lot.One afternoon she came over when i was playing X-box and she said “its like your second girlfriend”.I… Read More »second