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thefun

survey

In a new survey, 60% of women admitted to using sex as a way of controlling their relationships. The other 40% were blatant liars…

reminder

Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day when she said, “Remember, you have a wife.”

fired

One day a man returns home to his wife telling her that he was fired from his job at a deli mart. His wife asked why and he said, “after all the years I have worked there, I have always wanted to stick my penis into the meat grinder, and today was the day I completely lost my patience and finaly stuck it in there.
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rules

McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”

regret

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriends bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I’d never put it on now

confusing

I need to delete some of my fake dating profiles. It’s gotten so confusing I just met myself at Starbucks.

unbelievable

You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?

Great

You know the sex was great when your room looks like a scene from ghostbusters. Stuff thrown everywhere, and covered in slime.

asking

Got stopped by a policeman today. “Any idea how fast you were going back there?” He said “I’ll ask the questions”

advice

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

rates

How Girls Rate Guys: (Looks + money + humor + intelligence) So if you score a 0 on looks and humor, but have a 1… Read More »rates

prank

There is nothing funnier than yelling, “SHE’S STEALING MY CHILD!” and pointing at a woman who’s having trouble with her kid in public.

work out

I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.

one, two..

Summer vacations: where you drink triple, see double and act single.

bankruptcy

I have $.27 in my account…that means I have more money than the whole city of Detroit!

dictionary

The Hawaiian word for “lava”: “aa”, is remarkably similar to the word for “lava” used in the village of Pompeii: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

randevu

“Be very silent, i dont want my parents to know. They will kill me if they know I’m doing this, especially with you,” I whisper… Read More »randevu

cleaning

The only thing that men are good at cleaning are the Browser History. 

viagra

Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.

like dog

WHAT IS IT BOY!!?? DID YOU SEE SOMETHING??? -Me talking to my penis when I get a random boner.

point

Why do people point at their wrist when they ask what time it is? I don’t point to my crotch when I ask where the… Read More »point

not using

Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my “M” back…. you know, since you’re not using it. Sincerely, -usic