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potential

I don’t have a smartphone. I have a phone that shows potential, but doesn’t apply itself.

No sex

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my… Read More »No sex

Propose

How men propose: “I love you more than life itself and I can’t see myself living without you. Will you make the happiest man in… Read More »Propose

for fun

*At school* Teacher: Remember, the “f” in Physics stands for fun. Me: But sir, there is no “f” in Physics Teacher: Exactly.

worry

My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have to worry about that too.

your dragon

Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow… Or marriage counselling as the wife calls it.

magical words

wife : Tell me those three magical words.. husband : it’s my fault.

to finish

Wife says to husband, “You make love like you decorate.” Husband replies, “What very slow and professional?” “NO,”she replies, “I have to finish the job… Read More »to finish

mirror

im at the age where food has taken over the role of sex in my life….as a matter of fact i put a mirror above… Read More »mirror

pay for not going

Gyms should offer a membership package where you pay for everyday you don’t go.

cockroaches

In the event of a nuclear war the only things that will survive are the cockroaches. Which means we should still have a functioning government.

guardian

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I call myself a ‘Guardian of the Galaxy.’ I’m a security guard at the Samsung store….

missing

I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you

only dust

I decided to get rid of my vacuum cleaner today. It was just collecting dust.

change name

I’ve changed my name to Getov, so it sounds like girls are shouting my name during sex.

funny joke!

I was in a serious relationship once. We never smiled.

funny joke!

MEN: If you ever want to know what a woman’s mind is like…… Just imagine a browser with 2,857 tabs open. ALL. THE. TIME.

let me..

“Please, just let me finish.” I said to my wife during an argument last night. “No I will NOT let you finish!” she yelled, pulling… Read More »let me..

JOKES

Having sex for money is illegal but most girls know clever tricks to get around it such as marriage.

One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.

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One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies. In the kitchen he runs into his grandpa who is drinking some whiskey. He asks “What’s that grandpa, can I have some?”
In response grandpa asks “I don’t know, can you touch your dick to your asshole?”
Taken aback the boy says “no” “Well when you can touch your dick to your asshole, come back here and I’ll share my whiskey with you.” Slightly offended Read More »One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.

strange

A buddy of mine told me he found himself in a strange place after his divorce. He was standing in his kitchen.

texting

I just saw a status posted by a female friend that said “I love my new car, I’m in heaven!” from a mobile device. It… Read More »texting

application

There’s no problem that the proper application of alcohol can’t solve.

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