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Jokes

  • So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.

    So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration. After handing them to him, he asks who the car belongs to. I tell him it’s my wife’s and he asks if I have some kind authorization, because apparently you have to have some proof that you’re allowed to ride a car that’s not yours.. So I replied: “Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an authorization to ride her car?” Officer silently hands me back my papers and salutes me.

  • home alone

    I’ve been on vacation all week, with the house to myself. I think my penis just filled a restraining order against my hand.

  • I just realized why they call it “The mall”.

    I just realized why they call it “The mall”.
    Instead of going to one store just go to “them all”
    Them all =The Mall.
    Clever.

  • side effects

    Why are there never any good side effects? Just once… I’d like to read a prescription bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”

  • respond

    Life turns to death and asks “Why do people love me and hate you?” Death slowly responds “This is a joke site, stop posting meaningless sentimental bullshit, asshole”

  • trip to Ireland

    I’m planning a trip to Ireland next month. I’m going to rent a car and tour the country. So I’ve been practicing driving on the wrong side of the road while intoxicated ….

    That’s a legitimate excuse officer.

  • birds

    Once upon a time, they were known as love birds.
    Then they found love and got married.
    Now, they’re angry birds!

  • I wish I could delete my trouser history.

    I wish I could delete my trouser history.

  • don`t wonder

    if you are wondering what I look like without my shirt on.
    my average McDonald bill is $15.57.v

  • I was offered…

    I’ve worked every day for the last 20 years, getting up at five in the morning, grafting until six at night, to struggle to pay for fuel, to pay my mortgage and put food in the cupboard. Today I was offered free heating, free accommodation and free cooked meals, with the added bonus that I wouldn’t even have to work for it.”I’ll take it!” I shouted to the judge.