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Jokes

  • Why did the rapper died while he was free styling?

    Because he was on fire.

  • I checked my local weather app to see if I’d get snow for Christmas this year

    Guess it’s still up in the air  ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  • An old Irish woman wins the lottery…

    …and decides to to indulge herself with a milk bath, so she calls her local dairyman. “I’d like to order meself some milk” “How much will ye be needing?” “I suppose, I’ll need enough to fill me bath tub.” “Shouldn’t be more than 200 liters I’d guess.” “My word! That’s more than I thought.” “Well, tell me miss, will ye be needing the milk pasteurized?” “Oh no! I think up to me neck will do.”

  • Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other:

    “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

  • Stalin was out swimming, but he began to drown.

    A peasant who was passing by jumped in and pulled him safely to shore. Stalin asked the peasant what he would like as a reward. Realizing whom he had saved, the peasant cried out: ‘Nothing! Just please don’t tell anyone I saved you!’

  • Not for the easily offended, very politically incorrect joke.

    Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.”What’s wrong?” man asks.”Never been kissed before” girl says.Man kisses her and she goes home happy.Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.”What’s wrong?” man asks.”Never been wined and dined before” girl says.So man takes her out for a beautiful meal, gets her drunk and wheels her off home.Again man walks through park following day. Girl still in wheelchair crying. “What’s wrong?” Asks man.”Never been fucked before” says girl.So man picks up girl and throws her in the river and says…”Well you’re fucked now”

  • Reputable news outlets?

    Hey all, this is my first post here. I’m hoping to get some insights to some questions.I am personally having a difficult time finding news outlets I can trust. I just can’t tell the difference any more. It all seems unreliable.I am historically a moderate when it comes to politics. I pride myself on decisions made based on facts and critical thinking. But even that is now under fire. Some facts are easy (oxygen is a gas, geology is a science etc), but the facts in question always seem to be anything based on interpersonal interactions, or historic actions, etc.Where is the best place to get facts about current events that do not come with a spin of any kind?? Does such a news outlet exist? Or is it all just going to be subjective and require cross referencing from other sources?

  • My grandpa had a glass eye.

    It scared the crap out of me as a kid. When he babysat me he would take his glass eye out and put on an eyepatch so I wouldn’t be frightened.Basically, when he knew I was coming, he always kept an eye out for me.

  • Her: You got a vasectomy without telling anyone! Are you kidding me?

    Me: Technically I can’t.

  • why dog shope not exists?

    imagene, u go in and see dog yuo like, and i get him if pay moneiy, why not is exists yet, IT ARE GOOD.