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A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview
The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.The interviewer eventually asks him “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”The man, very prepared for this common question says: “Well, I see myself still working at this company having received a number of promotions. I would like to be in a management position by then, and be well on my way to a senior management position.”The interviewer writes this down then asks “Ok, and where do you see yourself in 2 weeks?”The man was slightly taken aback. He had never heard this question in an interview before. “2 weeks? That’s an unusual question.”The interviewer shrugged. “We like to make sure our employees focus on both long-term and short-term goals here. So what do you think?”The man shakes his head. Pointing to his glasses, he says “I’m sorry, but unfortunately I don’t have 2020 vision.”
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Why aren’t all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?
Their white sheets aren’t clean from the last rally yet
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How does an elephant hide in a strawberry patch?
He paints his toenails red (duh). Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?!?
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Pilot is welcoming the passengers on the plane
Shortly after take off, he announces “This is your Captain speaking, Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is… ” Then suddenly he starts screaming his head off,”Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s burning,…It’s burning.. This is going to hurt… It’s burning.”A ghostly silence reigned in cabin. After a couple of minutes, he gets back on the microphone, talking to the passengers, “I sincerely apologize for the incident but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap… you should see my pants.”One passenger replies, “Why don’t you come here and see our PANTS!”
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“Daddy, why does Santa carry that big bag of gifts?”
Dad: “That’s just how he presents himself.”
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I Renamed my iPod The Titanic
So when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
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Me: “I’m not gonna click that.”
Blurred image with NSFW tag : “No you will.”
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What did the egg say to the egg next to it when it came out of the chicken?
Bro, I just got laid
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I have to say after watching the impeachment voting…
This has to be the most interesting season of the apprentice yet!
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Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
Jokes
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