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Jokes

  • A farmer walk into a bar [LONG]

    A farmer walks into a bar asks for a pint of beer. The bartender brings the man his beer, and walks away. As the farmer sips away at his beer he notices it is no where near as good as it was the last time he was at this bar. “Well what the hell is this beer. I harvest the barley to make this beer, how come it tastes like horse shit?” The bartender isn’t sure how to respond, so the man leavesThe next day another farmer arrives at the bar. He orders a beer, takes a sip, “What is this shit?! I harvest the barley to make this beer and it tastes like horse piss.”A few days later a different farmer comes in. He orders a beer, takes a sip, then demands a refund. “Why would I do this?” the bartender responds. “Because this beer is as thick as horse cum!” Then the farmer stomps out of the bar.The day following this yet another farmer arrives to the bar. The bartender says, “Let me guess, you would like a beer?” The farmer responds “No, I will take a whiskey. I harvest the barley for this beer, but my horses always piss and shit on it.” The bartender in utter disbelief exclaims, “I lost business because of you! The first farmer to come in said it tastes like shit, the second said it tastes like piss!” The farmer grins, and says, “Did the third notice the head on it?”


  • Do you want to know why the republicans won’t impeach Trump?

    Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.


  • Of course the Republican-led Senate won’t convict Trump.

    They insist on carrying a baby to full term.


  • How to retire at the age of 18.

    Get a job at a tire shop.


  • I took a lie detector test

    When I said my second name the detector exploded.


  • RIP Usain Bolt

    Usain Bolt has been struck by lightning. It comes as a huge shock to not only himself, but also his family and friends!


  • Urainas

    Theres a wall of planets in my school so every time we all past i shout YOUR ANUS IS ON THE WALL


  • Did you hear about the gay sewage worker?

    He doesn’t mind a squirter.


  • Flat earthers used to think that the earth was round

    But since then they’ve really ironed out their theory


  • A burglar stole all of my lamps.

    I should be upset, But right now I’m delighted.