I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re “doing a good job” if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
Work Jokes
Work jokes for anyone counting down to five o’clock. Office humor, meetings that should have been emails, impossible bosses and the eternal battle with the printer, it is all here. Share these funny work jokes with a colleague who needs a laugh, ideally not during the actual meeting.
Dealing with a contradiction in a character
I have this one character that supposed to represent two things: Old Money coming with a prestigious name and the self-made man who reach success… Read More »Dealing with a contradiction in a character
I couldn’t believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there!
My coworker treat me like a god
when some shit happen, they crucify me
A patient is at the doctors office and the doctor tells him he has bad news and worst news
Patient: Alright doc give me the bad newsDoctor: Unfortunately you have AIDSPatient: That’s terrible news, I can’t believe it. What could the worst news possibly… Read More »A patient is at the doctors office and the doctor tells him he has bad news and worst news
What did Jesus do after school?
He went to his job.
My ex is upset that I tell people she performs multiple handjobs every day for £5 a pop…
Apparently, the proper description for her job is “manicurist,”
How to retire at the age of 18.
Get a job at a tire shop.
Why are there so many old people in office?
Because politics is a booming business.
A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview
The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.The interviewer eventually asks him “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”The… Read More »A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview
The President has been impeached.
“But that doesn’t mean he’s removed office”But he probably doesn’t know that. He might pack up and leave tonight!
[At proctologist’s office] Me: *unzipping pants nervously*
Doctor: You’re understandably nervous, but please zip my pants back up.
Don’t try to galaxy brain the impeachment, Trump did impeachable things, you don’t need to think about it beyond that
Trump just did bad things and deserves to be punished for it. That’s about all there really is to it.No, you shouldn’t pin all your… Read More »Don’t try to galaxy brain the impeachment, Trump did impeachable things, you don’t need to think about it beyond that
What do you feel the real distribution of NTs is on a scale between “total assholes” and “basically cool?”
The recent drama over that “aspertards” set off a bit of a discussion where people pointed out that people who do things like that are… Read More »What do you feel the real distribution of NTs is on a scale between “total assholes” and “basically cool?”
How to retire at the age of 18
Get a job at the tire shop.
I just realized something…
So, in SAO, we all know PKing was frowned upon by the system. HOWEVER, Kayaba set himself as the final boss and expected to die… Read More »I just realized something…
How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to actually do the job, one to try and help, one to fuck shit up, and one to record the full thing.Btw, I’m… Read More »How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
If I only had a week to live, I’d spend every day of it at work.
There, even just eight hours last fucking forever.
I went to a job interview today…
The interviewer had pictures of himself holding up dead alligators, Nascar posters, and a picture of himself wearing a confederate flag shirt on his wall.… Read More »I went to a job interview today…
Did y’all hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws
I HATE MY BUS DRIVER SO MUCH OMFG
Some kid was being annoying, so I lightly kicked him, so he would get the message that he was being obnoxious, and the bus driver… Read More »I HATE MY BUS DRIVER SO MUCH OMFG
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…
I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.
WWII, Eastern Front
Troops under the command of Baghramyan are the first to reach the Baltic. To present his success more pretentiously, the Armenian general personally poured a… Read More »WWII, Eastern Front
The date is August 6, 1945
A Japanese man in Hiroshima starts wakes up in the morning before getting a seriously important job interview.He walks outside in his fancy suit to… Read More »The date is August 6, 1945
Moth psychiatrist
A moth walks into a physiotherapists office and says “I don’t know what’s up with me doc. I just feel really down all the time,… Read More »Moth psychiatrist
Why is Kim Jong Un so unfit?
Probably because he didn’t have to run for office.
Why’d the shy spy lose his job?
He was too embarrassed about being debriefed.
Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they’re telling me…
Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they’re telling me I’m doing a good job driving.
Boss: You’re doing great!
Boss: You’re doing great! Keep doing what you’re doing. Me: I wish I knew what I was doing.
Fired
It turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired.