Your job is
Dear Heart {♥} , Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that’s it…
Work Jokes
Work jokes for anyone counting down to five o’clock. Office humor, meetings that should have been emails, impossible bosses and the eternal battle with the printer, it is all here. Share these funny work jokes with a colleague who needs a laugh, ideally not during the actual meeting.
what is wrong with me
I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week. They must have a really well paid job. I can… Read More »what is wrong with me
Good..
There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _uck. Whatever you are thinking… Is… Read More »Good..
Still
“Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it’s endless and… Read More »Still
Bonus
She used Vaseline to give me a hand job and I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.
Three previous
My boss is coming to my grandad’s funeral tomorrow. He said, after his three previous funerals he personally wants to see the bastard go in… Read More »Three previous
Where is the boss
Last year everyone made a huge deal about The Pope resigning. To be honest I don’t blame him. I’d leave my job too if my… Read More »Where is the boss
that’s why
Boss : Could I see you in my office? Me: No, probably not. There are walls that separate our offices. and that’s why I’m here… Read More »that’s why
No sex
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my… Read More »No sex
to finish
Wife says to husband, “You make love like you decorate.” Husband replies, “What very slow and professional?” “NO,”she replies, “I have to finish the job… Read More »to finish
come inside
My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for a few months now, so yesterday we went to an OBGYN’s office, to make… Read More »come inside
cheating
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, its considered responsible; however, if you do that with your girlfriend it’s considered… Read More »cheating
strangers
I get really fucking pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of personal questions. So no… the job interview didn’t go very well.
so tired?
Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk… Read More »so tired?
exactly
Me at work: “don’t talk to me until I have my coffee” Colleague: “but you don’t even drink coffee!” Me: “exactly”
for mama
Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house,… Read More »for mama
what to say
I got fired at work today. My boss said my communication skills were awful. I didn’t know what to say to that.
Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
so bad
The economy is so bad Mcdonalds employees are asking customers, Can you afford fries with that?
keep up
Boss: “You’re not suppose to be drinking on the job!” Me: “You’re not suppose to cheat on your wife.” Boss: “Keep up the good work”
complete dick
At the end of the year the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.
While checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said “I notice you buy a lot of candles, what do you do with the drippings?”Read More »complete dick
Every time I go into my bosses office she tells me “take a…
Every time I go into my bosses office she tells me “take a seat.” I have 14 now
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this morning saying “My car won’t start.” He asked “What about the bus?”… Read More »I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
fired
One day a man returns home to his wife telling her that he was fired from his job at a deli mart. His wife asked why and he said, “after all the years I have worked there, I have always wanted to stick my penis into the meat grinder, and today was the day I completely lost my patience and finaly stuck it in there.
Read More »fired
rules
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
surprise lunch
Put in an official complaint at work the other day after finding someone had shit in my lunchbox, and they immediately launched an investigation. Turned… Read More »surprise lunch
no way
A male whale and his mate were swimming around in the ocean, when all of a sudden, the male whale catches sight of a whaling vessel in the distance.
He takes a closer look, and recognizes it as the ship that harpooned his parents many years ago. So, he turns to his girlfriend and tells her that he wants to avenge the death of his parents.
Read More »no way
not capable
Group sex… For those not capable of getting the job done themselves!!
nerves
I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.My boss immediately came over and… Read More »nerves
no problem
My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today. I shouted, “You fucking Asshole! I come in at 7.30 and don’t get thanks… Read More »no problem