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Marriage Jokes

Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these husband and wife jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.

coincidence

This morning my wife woke me up with a nudge. “Oh God,” she said, “I’ve just had a horrible nightmare.” “Oh no,” I replied cuddling… Read More »coincidence

the cure

These new anti-depressants I got from the doctor are brilliant. I felt much better as soon as I put a dozen in my wife’s food.

for mama

Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house,… Read More »for mama

reward

If I find out who sent my wife a large bouquet of flowers today, I’m going to beat their ass. ….The stupid bitch thought it… Read More »reward

freak

No, I don’t want to come to your cat’s birthday party…you freak. My dog’s getting married that weekend.

too honest

My husband and I went for marriage counseling this morning. The counselor told me I need to be more open with him about what I… Read More »too honest

harder

We’re at the age in our life when the wife says, “Dave, I want it harder!” I reply, “Ok babe, what’s the gross national product… Read More »harder