Holiday Jokes
Holiday jokes for every season of celebration, from Christmas crackers and New Year gags to Halloween scares and Easter puns. This is your one-stop stash of festive humor to lighten up the family gathering, the office party or the long drive home. Warning: contains a high number of dad-level puns.
AITA for saying no to major chores while wife enjoys holiday overseas?
Sorry for the formatting, my first ever post and its from my cellphone.So a couple of months ago it was announced after 20 years with… Read More »AITA for saying no to major chores while wife enjoys holiday overseas?
My 3rd Christmas in a row, alone and broke
I’ve secluded myself away from my one and only family member, and friends over the past few years(death in family, breakup, medical issues). It’s sick… Read More »My 3rd Christmas in a row, alone and broke
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa!
[PS4][H] Titanium White Apex [W] Pure Credit Offers :)
Currently have some old TW Apex. I’m tryna get rid of all my items before I get rid of my Ps4. Looking for credits only… Read More »[PS4][H] Titanium White Apex [W] Pure Credit Offers 🙂
My dad joke
So it’s Christmas time, and Jesus arrives at his parents house. Jesus says “hello mother I have arrived” and Mary says “it wouldn’t be Christmas… Read More »My dad joke
6 six years ago I made a new year’s resolution, and I have never broken it.
“No more New year’s resolutions”
You’d think anybody being given a multi-storey car park in the CBD would be cock-a-hoop but no, not Mariah Carey…
She told him repeatedly she didn’t want a lot for Christmas.
In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.
His name was Dolf, but he was more commonly called by another name, whispered by mothers to their children as a warning – “The Red”,… Read More »In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.
Why wasn’t Santa too disappointed when his sleigh crashed into a Boeing 747 mid flight?
It only cost him a couple of bucks…
Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
So he can Ho, Ho, Ho
Black man enters your house in the middle of the night
It’s called breaking and entering, home invasion, robbery and a lot more laws broken. White man enters your house in the middle of the night… Read More »Black man enters your house in the middle of the night
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.Edit: Thanks for the elf. Are elfs real?…
I just watched A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.
What he’s doing round my house I don’t know.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a yearSorry if this is a repeated joke- first time poster
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout.
SON: MOM! DAD THREATENED ME!WIFE: stop scaring our son.ME: I’m just singing Christmas songs to him.WIFE: aww okSON:ME: he knows when you are sleeping.
Got some Christmas Cards from Supermarket.
Turns out they were from Tenko not Tesco.
On the way home from dinner, three friends died in a car crash.
When the arrived at the gates of Heaven, St. Peter said he would let them in if they had something related to Christmas on them.The… Read More »On the way home from dinner, three friends died in a car crash.
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather was like?
It looks like rain dear
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson
[7 year old me opening presents from Santa]
ME: wowee… a Lynyrd skynyrd album?[at the North Pole]Elf with mullet: where the fuck is my CD?
My uncle always dresses up in the worst Halloween costumes. So we were relieved when he said he was going to be a Muppet this year.
He was naked with an arm up his butt.
What do you call an apartment for lease during christmas time?
For Lease Navidad
When Santa tries to sleep with other women . . .
He’s thinking with his South Pole
When I was younger I poisoned Santa’s milk and cookies as revenge for last year.
Waking up to my dad dead downstairs wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.
Whoever started this “Reddit is giving away 250 coins for giving upvotes” has an iq of 176 cause it has been planned right down to the screenshots of a fake msg from Reddit……you smart mf
I applaud the effort cause you have changed reddits upvote quantity for this entire Christmas season
What animal is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey! It’s always stuffed!
I got a stripper cake as a gift for Christmas
Its the thot that counts
A dog is not just for christmas
It can do for sandwiches on boxing day too.
What do you eat after a presidential christmas dinner?
Impeach cobbler