The doctor told me I had only 2 years left to live.
So I killed him and the judge gave me 40.
thefun
I heard a rumor that Epstein was hung like a horse
But I’m pretty sure you would need more rope to hang a horse.
sally is on the swing
sally falls of the swing because she has no arms knock knock who’s there not sally sally has a friend with no legs her names… Read More »sally is on the swing
The recent smart home device hackings convinced me to throw away my Roomba.
It’s been collecting my dirt for years.
In medical school, I was told never to tell a person they have cancer right before they board a plane
Nobody likes a terminal diagnosis.
How can you tell the difference between an introvert and an extrovert programmer?
An introvert programmer stares at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert programmer stares at yours.
A priest went to get his hair cut.
Afterwards, the barber refused payment, saying “I cannot take money from a man of the cloth.” The priest was so moved that the next day… Read More »A priest went to get his hair cut.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry
I love to solve integer sets when hammered…
Some call me a functioning alcoholic.
You guys wanna brood and talk about how much we hate our dads?
I fucking hate my dad! Also there should be a flair for Family/FriendsBut my dad is a Homophobic POS, he saw my watching Steven Universe… Read More »You guys wanna brood and talk about how much we hate our dads?
I’ve got an advent calendar for Jehovah’s Witnesses…
Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.
Juul refillable pod alternatives
I’ve been using the Sylo refillable pods for a while now, but they tend to burn easily on me. They’re better than the JPods in… Read More »Juul refillable pod alternatives
Why did nobody laugh about Vlad the impaler?
Because he made too many shit posts.
figure 8
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
I know a few bilingual pot heads
The Rosetta stoners
What happened when I got kicked out of Iraq
I ran!!! Iran. Iran!! Get it
Mimes are the only people that use actual chairs.
Get it? chAIRs.Sorry, I’ll leave
I hate Russian dolls
They are so full of themselves
When I do the Hokey-Pokey, I **always** put my whole self in.
And then, I shake it all about. I don’t know about y’all, but I think that’s what it’s all about.
I recently had to get surgery done on my lungs
The doctors said it was breathtaking
How does a thief get into a house?
Intruder window
What is the speed limit of sex?
68.At 69 you have to turn around.
An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from next, until they are gone.
He then orders three more . The bartender says, “You know,they’d be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time.”… Read More »An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from next, until they are gone.
Why isn‘t salt free?
Because it‘s sold.
If I got a reddit nickel for every time I’ve contributed..
I must have contributed exactly 50 times.
[HELP WANTED] Fixing a Corona-Smith Galaxie Twelve Typewriter
I am having issues with my a typewriter and am wondering how to resolve the issues. Here are some of them…The ribbon slips out of… Read More »[HELP WANTED] Fixing a Corona-Smith Galaxie Twelve Typewriter
Jesus walks into a bar
Hands the barman some nails and says, “can you put me up for the night?”
Why don’t people want to play board games made in Thailand?
Because it’s always a Thai game.