A man is talking to his metal collection
Man: So are you Chinese or Japanese?Metal: Bitch I’m fuckin manganese
thefun
What’s the difference between…
Donald Trump and God?God doesn’t think he’s Trump.
I really love the ticking of old clocks
My psychiatrist calls it a second hand emotion.
Winter Racism
Something about Winter makes Minnesotans super racist. Everyone I know keeps saying when I’m driving I gotta watch out for black guys.
In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.
His name was Dolf, but he was more commonly called by another name, whispered by mothers to their children as a warning – “The Red”,… Read More »In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.
Scientists did a study on Metamucil.
Turns out it really is the best shit in the world.
I hate when women state that men can’t multitask
And then I stop what I’m doing so I can get angry
When my plane was landing in Saudi Arabia, the pilot announced, “Don’t forget to adjust your watches to the local time.”
I said, “I don’t think my watch goes back to the 6th century.”
Rudolf (the red-nosed reindeer) found himself leaving a gay bar
and said, “I can’t believe I just blew twenty bucks!”
Absent minded as I was, my classmate kept on telling me… “with an R, with an R…”
So there I was trying my best to remember Miss Prussey’s name… I can’t remember what I was doing when she introduced herself and her… Read More »Absent minded as I was, my classmate kept on telling me… “with an R, with an R…”
Why wasn’t Santa too disappointed when his sleigh crashed into a Boeing 747 mid flight?
It only cost him a couple of bucks…
Telling dad jokes if you don’t have kids?
That’s a faux pa.
A man is driving and hits a woman. Who’s fault is it?
It’s the mans fault. Why would he be driving in the kitchen?
A very bad joke
Guy: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”Kid: “I dont know, I’m not grown up.”
Best orange skills?
As I’m approaching level 60, are there any super good orange skills I should level up first? I know demon is great for inferno team… Read More »Best orange skills?
Why does Dr. pepper coke in a bottle?
because his wife diedCome
A friend of mine is intersex and he just got pregnant.
his name is anthony, we met in a college improv class and we grew to be pretty close friends. i honestly didn’t know that he… Read More »A friend of mine is intersex and he just got pregnant.
A Man swapped places with his wife to see what she did all day
A Man was constantly grumbling about how he had to work all day to provide for his family while his stayed home and did nothing.God… Read More »A Man swapped places with his wife to see what she did all day
What’s the difference between Trump and God?
God doesn’t think he’s Trump…
Why did Jesus never have to close a door?
Because he was born in a barn
My dad made mince pies this year and one of them looked very strange.
Mum: “Make sure you serve the ugly one last”.Dad: “I don’t know if I should, your Mother said she was getting very hungry.”
Talking out loud.
I talk to my GF who was murdered, I sit by myself and talk to her about how I feel and the happy good times… Read More »Talking out loud.
Trump has been Impeached.
Color me surprised.
A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to think of you every time I use this paper.”
A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents.“Thank you,” she… Read More »A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to think of you every time I use this paper.”
Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
So he can Ho, Ho, Ho
What do you call bugs that rise from the dead?
I don’t know the answer, this joke was on a Dixie cup and I’m dying to know the answer. Does anyone know?
Dogs are related to trees
Cause they both have bark
I was listening to a podcast
Where the commentator was addressing Vatican officials on the issue of sexual misconduct and he said, “Won’t you please think of the children?”Well I suppose… Read More »I was listening to a podcast
A plumber walks into a bar
He’s there to fix the toilet.
Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?
He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn’t stop as quick…