Driving down the road today.
Driving down the road today. I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying: “I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”… Read More »Driving down the road today.
thefun
I like my women like I like my coffee I’ve never had one, but…
I like my women like I like my coffee I’ve never had one, but they smell really nice
Jeff Bezos was in space for longer than the amount of time…
Jeff Bezos was in space for longer than the amount of time Amazon Warehouse employees are allowed to spend in the restroom.
Dentist: “This is going to hurt a bit.
Dentist: “This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?” Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: “Yes, ready.” Dentist: “That will be $700 please.”
My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating.
My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating. I didn’t know how to respond.
Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year…
Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume? Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale Job… Read More »Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year…
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor… …Then Who is.
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor… …Then Who is.
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife…
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife… He needed space.
What’s better than roses on a piano?
What’s better than roses on a piano? Tulips on my organ!
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
Filtered
My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured… Read More »Filtered
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a…
What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
Women never have to apologize, they just sleep naked and let the…
Women never have to apologize, they just sleep naked and let the guy decide if he’s still mad or not…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends and lovers…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends and lovers before me.! She always calls me her sixty second lover.!!
I Just got fired from Google Because I yelled Yahoo!
I Just got fired from Google Because I yelled Yahoo! after completing my morning Sudoku at the office
How do you get an fat person in your bedroom?
How do you get an fat person in your bedroom? Piece of cake
I’d be a terrible couple’s therapist.
I’d be a terrible couple’s therapist. I’d be like, “have you tried anal?”
2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…
2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop… One lady whispers ‘I’m getting a boob job’ 2nd lady: ‘That’s nothing, I’m getting my… Read More »2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…
I went to a pet store today and put a large “CHAMELEON” sign in…
I went to a pet store today and put a large “CHAMELEON” sign in front of an empty cage. Stand back and watch the fun.
Me – “We’re having a baby!” Friend – “Aww, is it a girl or a…
Me – “We’re having a baby!” Friend – “Aww, is it a girl or a boy?” Me – “Yes, what else could it be..?”
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on…
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana. Now after ten years of marriage,… Read More »I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on…
2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…
2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop… One lady whispers ‘I’m getting a boob job’ 2nd lady: ‘That’s nothing, I’m getting my… Read More »2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the…
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
My wife said that I have no discretion…
My wife said that I have no discretion… What do you guys think?
“How to break up with your girlfriend” A two-step process: Step…
“How to break up with your girlfriend” A two-step process: Step 1: take off your glasses Step 2: say: ‘I’m afraid I can’t see you… Read More »“How to break up with your girlfriend” A two-step process: Step…
This morning I went to a meeting for my ‘premature ejaculator…
This morning I went to a meeting for my ‘premature ejaculator support group.’u Trns out, it was tomorrow.
Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time…
Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages. The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy… Read More »Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time…
After waiting for an hour, the husband finally was able to catch…
After waiting for an hour, the husband finally was able to catch the waiter’s eye. “I want a bottle of your best wine,” he ordered.… Read More »After waiting for an hour, the husband finally was able to catch…
I don’t know what “procrastinate” means.
I don’t know what “procrastinate” means. I think I’ll look it up later.