So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn’t have a life insurance He answered: “Because I want you to be truly sad when I am… Read More »So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn’t have a life insurance…
My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad. Until mom found out and hid the urn.
I told the tattooist that I wanted a tattoo of an Indian on my back. Half way through I said “put a tomahawk in his… Read More »I went for a tattoo.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
Why do Welsh people immediately fall asleep when you ask them how many sexual partners they’ve had? Because it’s well known that counting sheep helps… Read More »Why do Welsh people immediately fall asleep when you ask them…
Doctor: If you want to lose some weight, quit eating fatty.Me: Like fatty foods? chips and dip?Doctor: NO, quit eating Fatty!!!
I had a dream! I dreamed that in 2021 there’s a new viral gastroenteritis: COSHIT. We all go around in diapers, and remember the 2020… Read More »I had a dream!
A man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him…… Read More »A man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady…
The makers of Viagra have announced that they’ve developed a pill to increase the wetness in women… The pill will be called Niagra.
2020 is still better than my first marriage
Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her to calm down, she’ll realize that she’s overreacting and she’ll thank you. Follow me for more… Read More »Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her to calm down, she’ll…
A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who… Read More »A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village .
Doctor – You have a serious disease.. Me -oh no..? Doctor-..that you can cure by eating healthier and exercising. Me-OH NO!!?
I took a girl back home last night. We got kissing on the sofa, before I slipped my hand in her knickers, she asked, “Shall… Read More »Something
A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position. He asked the same question to each one of them. Boss : “A woman… Read More »Two lips
How to get a woman to think about you nonstop… …borrow a large sum of money from her?
It would be horrific if farting was as contagious as yawning.
There was this girl in high school that said she’d only sleep with me if the world was ending, thinking about giving her a call.
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband. They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before… Read More »2 minutes
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of… Read More »Example
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip, do you think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly”… Read More »Only to stop
I read that Covid-19 hasn’t affected the Amish community, it’s probably because they don’t have TV or social media.
I drove my secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at our office party. Although nothing had happened, I decided… Read More »Where is my shoe
Dude: Do u wanna sit on my face? Girl: Why? Is your nose bigger then your dick?
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way for the neighbors to pay and build a privacy fence.
Every time I have to fold laundry I consider becoming a nudist.. Then I remember what I look like naked and I keep on folding.
G.F. :You treat our relationship like some kind of game. ? Me: this will cost you 12 points and a bonus round.
Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings.. What the hell is leftover beer?
Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words: NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!
Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS. It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking… Read More »Still haven’t found