To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a…
To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic. Fuck you that just was a lucky guess
thefun
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a…
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress? Error in connecting to the server
L finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt .
l finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt . She said she felt the same way . So she turned the… Read More »L finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt .
Washington DC doesn’t need metal detectors, it needs lie detectors.
Washington DC doesn’t need metal detectors, it needs lie detectors.
I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday…
I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday… My kleptomania is really getting out of hand…
Box or wrestle
waitress said ” you wanna box for your leftovers ? ” I said “No , but I’ll wrestle you for the check ! ‘
Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely.
Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with. God answers “of… Read More »Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely.
Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his…
Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time. At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying.… Read More »Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his…
The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant.
The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant. I don’t want it. But he changed my mind.
A man walks into a store.
A man walks into a store. The cashier sayes “Sir you will need to put a mask on”. The man replies”Ouh shoot almost forgot, thanks”.… Read More »A man walks into a store.
I married a nymphomaniac.
I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I’m left with the maniac.
What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate?
What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate? A liar
Take good care of your ass It’s your only body part that gives a…
Take good care of your ass It’s your only body part that gives a shit.
As I get older I think about all the people I’ve lost along the…
As I get older I think about all the people I’ve lost along the way Maybe being a tour guide wasn’t for me
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with. She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
I don’t know why my fishing buddy is afraid of coronavirus…he…
I don’t know why my fishing buddy is afraid of coronavirus…he never catches anything.
God will protect me from COVID
When asked to wear a mask, a staunch conservative woman refuses and says “God will protect me from COVID”. When asked to practice social distancing… Read More »God will protect me from COVID
Driving down the road today.
Driving down the road today. I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying: “I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”… Read More »Driving down the road today.
I like my women like I like my coffee I’ve never had one, but…
I like my women like I like my coffee I’ve never had one, but they smell really nice
Jeff Bezos was in space for longer than the amount of time…
Jeff Bezos was in space for longer than the amount of time Amazon Warehouse employees are allowed to spend in the restroom.
Dentist: “This is going to hurt a bit.
Dentist: “This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?” Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: “Yes, ready.” Dentist: “That will be $700 please.”
My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating.
My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating. I didn’t know how to respond.
Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year…
Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume? Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale Job… Read More »Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year…
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor… …Then Who is.
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor… …Then Who is.
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife…
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife… He needed space.
What’s better than roses on a piano?
What’s better than roses on a piano? Tulips on my organ!
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
Filtered
My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured… Read More »Filtered
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a…
What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator? A project manager.