Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don’t notice…
Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don’t notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
thefun
Wife was massaging her husband’s head.
Wife was massaging her husband’s head. Wife : you always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage. Husband :… Read More »Wife was massaging her husband’s head.
If you ever feel lonely, buy stocks.
If you ever feel lonely, buy stocks. You will have company
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
What’s the difference between USA and USB? One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.
OMG guys, you won’t believe this but James Bond just came into…
OMG guys, you won’t believe this but James Bond just came into the bar I work at and ordered a drink I’m literally shaking right… Read More »OMG guys, you won’t believe this but James Bond just came into…
Police arrested a time traveller from 2018.
Police arrested a time traveller from 2018. He still can’t believe that he was arrested for not wearing a mask in a bank.
I needed a password eight characters long.
I needed a password eight characters long. I went with SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarves
So much nudity online these days . . . . . . sometimes I just…
So much nudity online these days . . . . . . sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop shaking my fist.
My therapist says I have a problem trusting people.
My therapist says I have a problem trusting people. Or at least she claims she’s my therapist.
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the…
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I’d like to hear today’s special. I said yeah He… Read More »Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the…
A wise man once told me to never give up on my dreams.
A wise man once told me to never give up on my dreams. That is why I keep sleeping.
I got a world map for my wall, I’m going to put pins in all the…
I got a world map for my wall, I’m going to put pins in all the places I’ve traveled to … … but first, I… Read More »I got a world map for my wall, I’m going to put pins in all the…
I found an erectile dysfunction group online, it looks fun.
I found an erectile dysfunction group online, it looks fun. It can’t be hard to join
To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a…
To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic. Fuck you that just was a lucky guess
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a…
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress? Error in connecting to the server
L finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt .
l finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt . She said she felt the same way . So she turned the… Read More »L finally told the hot woman at work how l really felt .
Washington DC doesn’t need metal detectors, it needs lie detectors.
Washington DC doesn’t need metal detectors, it needs lie detectors.
I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday…
I took a urine test at the hospital yesterday… My kleptomania is really getting out of hand…
Box or wrestle
waitress said ” you wanna box for your leftovers ? ” I said “No , but I’ll wrestle you for the check ! ‘
Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely.
Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with. God answers “of… Read More »Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely.
Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his…
Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time. At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying.… Read More »Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his…
The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant.
The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant. I don’t want it. But he changed my mind.
A man walks into a store.
A man walks into a store. The cashier sayes “Sir you will need to put a mask on”. The man replies”Ouh shoot almost forgot, thanks”.… Read More »A man walks into a store.
I married a nymphomaniac.
I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I’m left with the maniac.
What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate?
What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate? A liar
Take good care of your ass It’s your only body part that gives a…
Take good care of your ass It’s your only body part that gives a shit.
As I get older I think about all the people I’ve lost along the…
As I get older I think about all the people I’ve lost along the way Maybe being a tour guide wasn’t for me
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with. She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
I don’t know why my fishing buddy is afraid of coronavirus…he…
I don’t know why my fishing buddy is afraid of coronavirus…he never catches anything.
God will protect me from COVID
When asked to wear a mask, a staunch conservative woman refuses and says “God will protect me from COVID”. When asked to practice social distancing… Read More »God will protect me from COVID