Apparently there’s a new sex position called Parcel Force.
Apparently there’s a new sex position called Parcel Force. You stay in all day and no one comes
thefun
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t remember the last time you came home in a good mood.” I… Read More »My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
Can confirm
What’s the smartest thing about people? their phones
Next year
Putin visits Ukraine Immigration officer says: “Name?”. – “Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin”. “Address?” – “Kremlin, Moscow, Russia”. “Occupation?” – “No, probably next year”.
My money
I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.
Cancel
This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym… … and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month… Read More »Cancel
Do you understand me?
My new year’s resolution is I’m going to be less condescending. And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.
The three life stages of sex Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly Age 35-60:…
The three life stages of sex Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly Age 35-60: Try Weekly Age 60-90: Try Weakly
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section.
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section. I always wondered why she left my car through the sunroof.
My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get…
My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.… Read More »My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get…
Health
My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub So I’ve started smoking.
Got knocked up the ladder to success
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed,… Read More »Got knocked up the ladder to success
Happiness
A Chinese business man has been sharing photos of children crawling around and playing on top of a Lamborghini, saying that the happiness of children… Read More »Happiness
I’ve read Masturbation may help prevent the common cold Really…
I’ve read Masturbation may help prevent the common cold Really hope so, I’ve run out of tissues.
We have the same resolution!
I asked the hot girl in gym ” What’s your New Year Resolution?” She said “Fuck you!” I’m now eagerly waiting for the year to… Read More »We have the same resolution!
whoresome joke
If having sex for money makes you a whore… then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
it wasn`t easy
Took my son out for his first Pint today. I got him a Fosters, he didn’t like it, I drank it. Then I got him… Read More »it wasn`t easy
Christmas presents are like sex It’s always more fun to get them…
Christmas presents are like sex It’s always more fun to get them from other people than to give yourself one.
Rorschach test
I think Google is broken or something… I did a Google Image search for Rorschach tests, but all that shows up is pictures of my… Read More »Rorschach test
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires.
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires. How does he think I got here?
Prolong
man: my wife has laryngitis Doctor: there’s no cure sir man: cure it? l want you to prolong it.
– Daddy they are shooting at school – Well log off then…
– Daddy they are shooting at school – Well log off then…
I buried my best porn in a time capsule.
I buried my best porn in a time capsule. For the generations to come.
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost…
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost their virginity to a sock.
Alcohol?
Alright… Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?
and…
How many choreographers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5, 6, 7, 8…
The original
I just found an old website that teaches different ways you can get high. It is the original trip advisor.
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas.
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas. This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds.
It’s Sunday.
It’s Sunday. So am 100% motivated to do nothing today.