I’ve read Masturbation may help prevent the common cold Really…
I’ve read Masturbation may help prevent the common cold Really hope so, I’ve run out of tissues.
thefun
We have the same resolution!
I asked the hot girl in gym ” What’s your New Year Resolution?” She said “Fuck you!” I’m now eagerly waiting for the year to… Read More »We have the same resolution!
whoresome joke
If having sex for money makes you a whore… then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
it wasn`t easy
Took my son out for his first Pint today. I got him a Fosters, he didn’t like it, I drank it. Then I got him… Read More »it wasn`t easy
Christmas presents are like sex It’s always more fun to get them…
Christmas presents are like sex It’s always more fun to get them from other people than to give yourself one.
Rorschach test
I think Google is broken or something… I did a Google Image search for Rorschach tests, but all that shows up is pictures of my… Read More »Rorschach test
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires.
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires. How does he think I got here?
Prolong
man: my wife has laryngitis Doctor: there’s no cure sir man: cure it? l want you to prolong it.
– Daddy they are shooting at school – Well log off then…
– Daddy they are shooting at school – Well log off then…
I buried my best porn in a time capsule.
I buried my best porn in a time capsule. For the generations to come.
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost…
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost their virginity to a sock.
Alcohol?
Alright… Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?
and…
How many choreographers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5, 6, 7, 8…
The original
I just found an old website that teaches different ways you can get high. It is the original trip advisor.
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas.
Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas. This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds.
It’s Sunday.
It’s Sunday. So am 100% motivated to do nothing today.
What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?
What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head? An Uber.
My wife and I were going on holiday.
My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So… Read More »My wife and I were going on holiday.
Having too much sex can cause memory loss!
Having too much sex can cause memory loss! Oh and also, I can’t remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex… Read More »Having too much sex can cause memory loss!
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re…
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023
My GPS just told me to turn around.
My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see where I’m driving.
I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s…
I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.
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“You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute. “That’s not true,” she replied. “Of course it is,”… Read More ».,njnm km]
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made…
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in… Read More »A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made…
A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the…
A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the clerk and says “Hello, I’d like to purchase… Read More »A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the…
I ate a small pizza, but it wasn’t enough, so I ate a bigger…
I ate a small pizza, but it wasn’t enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one… They call it the dominoes… Read More »I ate a small pizza, but it wasn’t enough, so I ate a bigger…
A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift.
A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift. His wife asks him: “Why are you home so early?” He replies, “I put… Read More »A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift.
Was working a drywall gig with 3 other guys, we smoked a joint…
Was working a drywall gig with 3 other guys, we smoked a joint after we pulled up to the job. Later on the older lady… Read More »Was working a drywall gig with 3 other guys, we smoked a joint…
Two behavioral psychologists have sex.
Two behavioral psychologists have sex. When they finish, one says to the other, “wow, you really enjoyed that! How was it for me?”