Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on…
Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
thefun
You know those movies when the guy pushes stuff off the table,…
You know those movies when the guy pushes stuff off the table, thrusts a girl on it, and fucks her? I just did that, but… Read More »You know those movies when the guy pushes stuff off the table,…
Women drinking coffee.
Women drinking coffee. My three favorite things.
On our first date.
On our first date. Her: I really like men who plan ahead. Me: That’s why I drank 2 litres of pineapple juice today.
False alarm
I’m devastated. I just had a look at my doctor’s notes and he’s written that after my accident, I’ll never be able to wank again.… Read More »False alarm
Friends are like boobs some are real some are fake
Friends are like boobs some are real some are fake
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you can sleep with his wife while he’s… Read More »Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.
Sex is like golf, Playing every hole is the goal.
Sex is like golf, Playing every hole is the goal.
I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.
King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old…
King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight… Read More »King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old…
My mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I…
my mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I replied.. “Chemistry… I’m on valium and the hubby’s on Prozac”
Did you know, anti-vaxxers don’t last as long in bed?
Did you know, anti-vaxxers don’t last as long in bed? …especially if the bed is in a hospital.
A Lady goes to confession.
A Lady goes to confession. Lady: I think I am pregnant. Priest: How did this happen my child? Lady: I think it might have been… Read More »A Lady goes to confession.
I went to the acupuncturist the other day.
I went to the acupuncturist the other day. When I got home my voodoo doll was dead
I got fired from the keyboard factory today…
I got fired from the keyboard factory today… It seems I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat…
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,… Read More »A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat…
What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad?
What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407
My girlfriend is like terms and conditions Because I ignore…
My girlfriend is like terms and conditions Because I ignore everything she says and agree with her.
Success is relative….
Success is relative…. The more success, the more relatives you have!
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time she’ll ever text me saying “Can you please bring home some milf from the… Read More »My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in…
You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.
Son: Dad, is there any place in the world where everyone loves…
Son: Dad, is there any place in the world where everyone loves everyone, no matter what their skin color, gender, religion or race is? Father:… Read More »Son: Dad, is there any place in the world where everyone loves…
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too ‘un-American’ I saw…
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too ‘un-American’ I saw it coming from a kilometre away.
Being a man means doing what I want when I want and not having…
Being a man means doing what I want when I want and not having to answer to… Shit, she’s coming!!! Be cool. To be continued…
Police: Who the hell ordered all these pizzas?
Police: Who the hell ordered all these pizzas? Me: You said I had one phone call…
I went to go to the Vagina Museum but accidentally went in the…
I went to go to the Vagina Museum but accidentally went in the building next door. That place was a shit hole!
One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners…
One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep
Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…
Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it. 2. it‘s 100% safe! 3.green is always… Read More »Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…
I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So…
I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So I went up to him and gave him a dollar. He happily… Read More »I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So…
Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.
Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.