We should let Netflix run the next pandemic… …they don’t let…
We should let Netflix run the next pandemic… …they don’t let anything last more than three seasons.
thefun
Pair of
A husband and wife are having dinner at a fancy restaurant when a couple looking absolutely gorgeous walk in “What a pair!” says the wife… Read More »Pair of
I just watched a beautiful naked woman do stand-up comedy.
I just watched a beautiful naked woman do stand-up comedy. Never laughed so hard in my life.
Mixed signals
She kept staring at my lips the whole time, so I kissed her. So long story short I’m learning sign language now.
Surprise
I met a woman last week who said she wanted a guy who’s funny and spontaneous Yet when I tapped on the window late at… Read More »Surprise
Some marriages have a happy ending…
Some marriages have a happy ending… It’s called divorce.
nice wish
I wish you a happy New Year and for it to finally start looking like your photos on Instagram!
almost come
The man’s wife informed him that there was a plumbing leak just as he was leaving for work. He advised her to contact a plumber… Read More »almost come
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia on a…
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia on a Mastercard? Because his Visa didn’t work!
Eraser
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight… “This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman.… Read More »Eraser
How Swede it is.
My wife insisted that we go to Stockholm in vacation. I didn’t want to go at first, but now, I don’t want to leave.
The wife then has to finish it off herself.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse… Read More »The wife then has to finish it off herself.
husband’s funeral
A woman goes to her husband’s funeral and bursts out laughing. People ask her why she’s laughing? And she replies: We’ve been married 30 years,… Read More »husband’s funeral
What do you call a society of depressed people?
What do you call a society of depressed people? A melancholony.
All my life, I never imagined I’d wake up at 6am and go…
All my life, I never imagined I’d wake up at 6am and go jogging….. …..And I was right.
Only one
Why don’t aliens visit our Solar System? They read the reviews – just one star.
Reason
Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they… Read More »Reason
Apparently there’s a new sex position called Parcel Force.
Apparently there’s a new sex position called Parcel Force. You stay in all day and no one comes
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t remember the last time you came home in a good mood.” I… Read More »My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
Can confirm
What’s the smartest thing about people? their phones
Next year
Putin visits Ukraine Immigration officer says: “Name?”. – “Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin”. “Address?” – “Kremlin, Moscow, Russia”. “Occupation?” – “No, probably next year”.
My money
I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.
Cancel
This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym… … and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month… Read More »Cancel
Do you understand me?
My new year’s resolution is I’m going to be less condescending. And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.
The three life stages of sex Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly Age 35-60:…
The three life stages of sex Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly Age 35-60: Try Weekly Age 60-90: Try Weakly
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section.
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section. I always wondered why she left my car through the sunroof.
My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get…
My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.… Read More »My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get…
Health
My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub So I’ve started smoking.
Got knocked up the ladder to success
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed,… Read More »Got knocked up the ladder to success
Happiness
A Chinese business man has been sharing photos of children crawling around and playing on top of a Lamborghini, saying that the happiness of children… Read More »Happiness