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Jokes

  • Three blondes walk into a building.

    You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.

  • One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

    “Eighty pounds,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to £60.” “That’s still too expensive,” the man says. “Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging £20.” “Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.” “Hmm,” says the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just £10.” “Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

  • Jack: I found us two doors to float on

    Rose: that’s OK, I’ll just share yours

  • A man got hit in the head with a can of cola.

    He’s alright tho, it was a soft drink.

  • A little boy and his father visited the country store, and upon leaving the store, the owner of the store offered the little boy some free Sweets…

    “grab a hand full of Sweets”, the merchant said to the boy.The boy just stood there looking up at his father.The owner repeated himself:- “Son get a hand full of Sweets… it’s free.”Again the boy did not move, continuing to look up in the face of his father.Finally the father reached into the candy jar and got a hand full of Sweets and gave it to his son.As they walked back home, the father stopped and asked his son why he did not grab a hand full of the free candy.The boy with a big smile on his face looked into the face of his father and said:- “Because I know that your hand is bigger than mine”.

  • How long did it take you?

    – How long did it take you to reach 100 subs?Always wondered how long it took someone else and what was it a lot of hard work and self promotion to reach the 100 subs or did it just come on its own?As for me, it took me 3 weeks to reach 100 subs milestone.

  • JOKESTER

    Laughing makes your vagina tighter, so maybe you should stop scrolling past my jokes, loosey goosey.

  • Did you hear about the power failure at the post office?

    They were enveloped in darkness.

  • Why are you still guarding it?

    A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 privates guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it.”We don’t know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did!”He searched for last commander’s phone number, and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench.”I don’t know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition”.Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100 year old retired General.”- Excuse me sir. I’m now the CO of your camp. I’ve found 2 guards assigned on a bench. Why did you put them there?””- What? The paint is still wet?!?”

  • You have to give it to the Chinese.

    They somehow managed to make an entire language out of bad tattoos.