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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.
“You’ve got a rare disease and you’ve only got 6 months to live,” the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he’s going to get a second opinion.He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there’s anything he should do.The doctor pauses a moment and says, “Can I give you some non- medical advice?””Sure, anything, Doc. I’m desperate! “”Are you religious? the doctor asks.”Not at all,” says the patient.”Well,” says the doctor, “I encourage you to join the Mormon church. Go to every service, get involved with every group and small organization you can and completely immerse yourself into that religion. I mean, EVERY aspect of it you can.”The patient perks up and is feeling hopeful. “Will that extend my life?!””No,” says the doctor, “But it’ll be the longest fucking 6 months you’ve ever had.”
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JOKESTER
The NFL is considering a season without fans in the stadiums…
They plan on reaching out to the Cincinnati Bengals for advice.
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JOKESTER
I must admit, I really miss being at work and bitching about not wanting to be at work.
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Guy gets bad news
Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news. “You’ve got a rare disease and you’ve only got 6 months to live,” the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he’s going to get a second opinion.
He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there’s anything he should do.
The doctor pauses a moment and says, “Can I give you some non- medical advice?”
“Sure, anything, Doc. I’m desperate! ”
“Are you religious? the doctor asks.
“Not at all,” says the patient.
“Well,” says the doctor, “I encourage you to join the Mormon church. Go to every service, get involved with every group and small organization you can and completely immerse yourself into that religion. I mean, EVERY aspect of it you can.”
The patient perks up and is feeling hopeful. “Will that extend my life?!”
“No,” says the doctor, “But it’ll be the longest fucking 6 months you’ve ever had.”
“““““
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I’m a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.
There was a story being told around in the early 2000s, when there was a lot of hysteria about harmful radiation from cellphones.Apparently, some people got agitated over a new cellular base station tower built on top of their apartment building. They petitioned the municipality, brought documents from hospitals, saying: “This thing is making us sick! We have headaches, skin diseases and, one guy even got cancer!”. At some point they came with a protest to the cell company office, and the only guy around was the on-call engineer. So they turned to him yelling about cancer and headaches and the rest, and he scratched his belly and said “Awful, truly awful. Imagine what will happen when we turn it on”.
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JOKESTER
A man’s making love to his wife. He asks her
“Can you moan to get me more excited?”
She says “the taps dripping, you ain’t paid the bills…
and your breath stinks”
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JOKESTER
l got bored staying in with this lockdown, so for something to do l measured my dick…. now l’m bored & depressed.
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Einstein sits next to a man on a long flight.
Einstein says,”Let’s play a game. I will ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you will pay me only $5; but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500″. The man agrees and the game proceeds.Einstein asks the first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?”The man doesn’t say a word. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out $5. He then asks Einstein, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs, but comes down on 4?”Einstein thinks about it for a long time, but fails to answer the question. After almost an hour, he gives the man $500.An irritated Einstein then asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4?”.The man reaches into his pocket and gives Einstein $5.