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JOKESTER
Wife: “I’ve heard, men start to go deaf, if he takes Viagra often.”
Husband: “Who the fuck is Jeff and why is he taking you to Niagra?
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JOKESTER
I must admit, I really miss being at work and bitching about not wanting to be at work.
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So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week…..
Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.The specialist in submersibles has gone under.A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.A tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road.The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.The local bakers has run out of dough.The clock manufacturer has had to wind down.The shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot.The local computer repair shop is suffering from virus issues.The Undertaker lost the plot.The tyre shop business went flat.The fencing contractor got posted out of town.And the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!
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JOKESTER
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbor….
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JOKESTER
Quarantining alone . ..
i set the table. , lit candles. turned down the lights , put soft music on… made 2 meals. ate Both
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A 10 year old asks her mum how she was born.
Her mother smiles and answers: A long time ago your dad and I planted some seeds. Your dad pushed them in the ground and I took care of them every day.After a some time a wonderful and healthy plant grew out of the seeds. Well then we dried it, smoked it, got super high and didn’t use a condom.
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Why some of us might drink…..
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ” Hello ?”Is your daddy home?” he asked ” Yes ,”whispered the small voice.May I talk with him?”The child whispered, ” No .”Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” ” Yes .””May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, ” No .”Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”” Yes ,”whispered the child, ” a policeman “.Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”” No, he’s busy “, whispered the child.”Busy doing what?”” Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,” came the whispered answer.Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”” A helicopter ” answered the whispering voice.”What ! is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again, whispering, the child answered, ” The search team just landed a helicopter .”Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…” ME!.”
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A farmer
buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.Next day, it’s fucking the geese and the ducks too. Sadly, later in the day he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer says, ” You deserved it, you horny bastard!” The cock opens one eye, points up and says, “Shhhhhh! They are about to land!”
Jokes
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