Skip to content

Jokes

  • smartphone

    I bought my girlfriend a smart phone.

    It calls 911 as soon as she starts her car.

  • same resume

    I can’t stand it when women say “I bet you say that to all the pretty girls.”

    Of course I fucking do.

    Don’t you use the same resume when applying for fucking jobs?!

  • fairtyle

    I had a fairytale childhood.

    My Grandma was eaten by a wolf.

  • characters

    I needed a password eight characters long
    so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

  • real psych

    I called the psychic hotline by mistake tonight.

    A woman answered and said, “Don’t worry, your pizza is on its way.”

  • victim

    Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbour’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!

  • go to study

    Asian kid: My blood test came back. Im B-

    Asian parent: Go to room & study til blood is A+

  • F is for friends who do stuff without you.

    F is for friends who do stuff without you.
    U is for ur alone.
    N is for no one wants to be with you because all you do is sit at home.

  • secret

    Victoria’s Secret?

    You’ll never look like the girls in the ads.

  • hairy

    Just how hairy was the guy, who invented the shampoo “Head n Shoulders”?