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Jokes

  • anything

    Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says “if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new….”

    “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.

  • too honest

    My husband and I went for marriage counseling this morning. The counselor told me I need to be more open with him about what I want in bed.

    Apparently, “Someone else” isn’t an acceptable answer.

  • harder

    We’re at the age in our life when the wife says, “Dave, I want it harder!”
    I reply, “Ok babe, what’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

  • Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.

    Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.

  • woman of my dreams

    My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I’m pretty damn excited.

  • profit for all

    I place $20 in a box.
    So do you.
    Now the box contains $40, and we both know it.
    I sell the box to you for $30. And we both walk away with a $10 profit.

  • woman of my dreams

    My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I’m pretty damn excited.

  • money for sex

    Wife: Do you wanna have sex?

    Me: Yeah, I thought you’d never ask

    Wife: Ok here’s £40 and there’s a brothel around the corner.

  • prank

    As I bent down on one knee in the expensive restaurant my girlfriend starting crying and screaming “Yes!” As I picked up my phone from the floor I asked, “What the hell are you yelling for?”

  • not to lie

    I said to my husband “Why don’t you tell me you love me?”

    He said “For fuck sake woman, I can’t win, you told me last week to stop lying to you.”