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Jokes

  • bad luck

    People say if you open an umbrella indoors, it’s said to bring bad luck..
    Personally i think, if it’s raining indoors.. You’ve already had your bad luck.

  • active

    Doctor “Are you sexually active?”
    Depends on what you mean by “active”.
    There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.

  • Life is like a dick…Sometimes it gets hard for no reason.

    Life is like a dick…Sometimes
    it gets hard for no reason.

  • unless

    They say drugs and alcohol isn’t the answer.

    Unless they ask”What’s the secret to a happy marriage?”

  • whales

    I was in a bar the other night and I overheard a couple of overweight women talking to each other near me. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I was curious, and asked them about it. “Hello, are you ladies here from Scotland?” One of them yelled, “It’s Wales, you bloody idiot, Wales!” So I apologized and said, “Sorry, are you whales here from Scotland?” …And that’s the last thing I remember.

  • difference

    *its not you its me *
    in america -means breaking up
    in asia -just means they are looking at pictures of people

  • waist

    I just spent 6 hours linking all of my watches together to make a belt.

    It was a complete waist of time.

  • latex factory

    Latex Factory!
    A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud ‘hiss-pop’ noise..Read More »latex factory

  • seizure

    I danced like no-one was watching, but someone was………they called an ambulance because they thought I was having a seizure…..

  • others

    After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, “Tell me who the other nominees are ? and I will eliminate them.”