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Jokes

  • the sum

    A little boy was doing his Math homework. He said to himself, Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…
    His mother heard what he was saying and gasp, What are you doing ?
    The little boy answered, I’m doing my math homework, Mom.
    And this is how your teacher taught you to do it ? Yes, he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, What are you teaching my son in math ? The teacher replied, Right now, we are learning addition. The mother asked, and are you teaching them to say two plus two that son of a bitch is four ? After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

  • Fred: “Why are you so upset?

    Fred: “Why are you so upset? ”
    Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning. ”
    Fred: “So what? ”
    Harry: “So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’. “

  • for yourself

    War is when the government tells you who the enemy is.
    Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

  • proposal

    HIM:”What do I need to buy for you to make me some guacamole?”

    ME:”A wedding ring.”

  • better things

    As I picked up the largest cucumber in the supermarket a man also went to grab for it. “Oh, I bet you know why I want the biggest one,” I playfully winked at him. “Why don’t you come back to my place and find out what I will be using it for?” 

    Read More »better things

  • not better

    My wife told me women were better at multi tasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.

    Guess what, she couldn’t do either.

  • reflection

    There’s a story they tell of two dogs.Both at different times walk into the same room.one comes out wagging his tail while the other comes out growling.A woman watching this goes into the room to see what could possibly make one dog so happy and the other so mad.To her surprise she finds a room filled with mirrors.
    The happy dog found a thousand happy dogs looking back at him while the angry dog saw only angry dogs growling back at him.
    What you see in the world around you is a reflection of who you are.

  • question

    Do you need glasses?
    □ Yes
    □ No
          
               ✔

  • obsession

    My wife left me because of my obsession with The Beatles.

    It’s been a hard day’s night.

  • I’m not left handed, I just like to play life on Hardcore.

    I’m not left handed, I just like to play life on Hardcore.