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Jokes

  • Wrong number

    “I love you,” I slurred as I phoned my wife from the pub.
    “I love you too,” came the reply.Read More »Wrong number

  • Happy Birthday…

    Nothing more awkward than singing happy birthday to a person whose name you don’t know.

  • Snooze

    The inventor of the snooze button has died. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 6:00, 6:09, 6:18, 6:27, and 6:36.

  • Roulette

    I keep an identical glass of vodka next
    to the water on my bedside table for
    a refreshing morning game of Russian
    Roulette.

  • Alternative

    Instead of leaking celebrity photos, maybe we can leak PDF versions of college textbooks?

    Just shooting that out there.

  • Manippleation

    i pretend to be a plastic surgeon to talk girls into showing me their breast. some call it fraud I call it maNIPPLEation

  • How do I look

    Accidentally took a women’s multi
    vitamin and I’ve been trying to get
    dressed for the past 3 hours, but
    everything is making me look fat.

  • Attack

    It’s illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack it.

  • Waiting

    My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

  • Beer VS. Women

    A Beer is always wet, a woman is not….1 point for beer!
    Beer is horrible, when it is hot….1 point for women!
    A cold beer satisfies you….1 point for beer! For a beer, you pay taxes….1 point for women! If you drink a second beer, the first one doesn’t get angry….1 point for beer! You can always be sure that, you are the first one Opening a beer….1 point for beer! If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself….1 point for beer! You know exactly how much a beer costs….1 point for beer! A beer does not have a mother….1 point for beer! A Beer won’t ask you to hug her for half an hour after having it….1 point for beer! So the Score is……Beer beats women 8 to 2 If you’re a guy, enjoy this message..If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry……1 point for beer