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Complaint
When I die, I’m not going to Heaven or Hell, I’m going to the Complaint Department.
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In a row
My mom caught me
masturbating when I was 14. My
dad caught me smoking when I was 16 and he made me smoke 20 in a row. I’m so fucking glad my dad didn’t catch me masturbating…
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Not looking
A new study has found that women
find it seven times easier to read
men’s facial expressions than men
have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces…
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Cable company: No problem sir, a technician will be out tomorrow…
Cable company: No problem sir, a technician will be out tomorrow between 10:00AM and Thursday
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Irony
She believes in honesty and wears a padded bra.
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Women are quick to leave a man who lives with his mom but will…
Women are quick to leave a man who lives with his mom but will mess with a man who lives with his wife.
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My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some…
My wife stopped the car today and asked a guy for some directions.
“What’s the quickest way to get to the town centre?” she asked.
“Swap seats with your husband.” He said.
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Nominated
Just got nominated for an Oscar for
my role as “man surprised his credit
card was declined”
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Own hands
My girlfriend broke up with me.
I guess it’s time to take things in my own hands now.
Jokes
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