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Jokes

  • Oops, It slipped, wrong hole!

    Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I’m already here.. .. ..
    -Men

  • Witness

    I took a taxi to my court appearance the other day. “What are you here for?” asked the driver.
    “My bankruptcy hearing. You might as well come in too.”

  • Unrealistic

    Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

  • Leave me

    I might look like I’m doing nothing..
    but in my head I’m having a serious conversation

  • Hurts

    Sometimes it physically hurts to hold back a sarcastic comment.

  • Fifth person

    Some authors write in first person and others write in third person. But I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: ‘I heard from this guy who told somebody….’

  • Replace

    The L in my luck has been replaced with F.

  • Only with one finger

    I attracted a girls attention from across a room while I was sat down by using one of my fingers indicating for her to “come here”.
    She asked what I wanted so I replied, “If I can make you come with one finger, just imagine what I can do with the rest of my body.”

  • Wrong formula

    Why are Americans fat?
    Because they think E=MC Donalds 😁

  • Depends

    Interviewer: So, What do you want to do in your life?
    Me: It depends on the last movie I watched!