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Jokes

  • I was chatting to a stunningly attractive woman

    ..and when I asked her name she replied it was Carmen, “because I like cars and men” …”and what’s your name”? she asked me.. Beer Cunt.

  • What “Fun” things can you do withoud online?

    So i ran out of Playstation Plus and i cannot play online anymore wich sucks i already did the whole storyline and now i dont know what to do and i am asking if you guys have any fun ideas beside garden ops sinde its boring?

  • A newlywed husband visited his priest to get an annulment.

    The priest asked, “What is so troubling that you want to end your marriage?” The young man replied, “ My wife and I keep fighting over food! I just can’t stand her and I want out!” The priest asked, “Well my son, did you consummate your marriage on your wedding night?” He said, “Yes father, that’s the problem, she managed to CONSUME the whole wedding cake and then ATE the whole damn cheese platter!”

  • We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.

    I said, “This shit needs to stop.”

  • What joke blows up even if someone just thinks about it?

    Unfortunately, my dick.

  • WWII, Eastern Front

    Troops under the command of Baghramyan are the first to reach the Baltic. To present his success more pretentiously, the Armenian general personally poured a bottle of water from the Baltic Sea and ordered his adjutant to fly with this bottle to Moscow to Stalin. He flew. But a setback happened: while he was flying, the Germans counterattacked and threw Baghramyan’s away from the Baltic coast. By the time the adjutant arrived in Moscow, the HQ was already aware of the fail, but he himself did not know: there was no radio in the plane. And so the proud adjutant enters Stalin’s office and pathosly proclaims:- Comrade Stalin, General Baghramyan sends you Baltic water!Stalin takes the bottle, twirls it in his hands for a few seconds, returns it to the adjutant and says:- Give it back to Baghramyan, tell him to pour it out where he took it.

  • What do you call a chameleon that can’t change colors???

    Reptile dysfunction…

  • If life was a comedy

    I would be a tragedy. :'(

  • Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers.

    Husband: To be honest I didn’t even know she sold them.

  • So I was charged for sex trafficking.

    Never going to have sex in the middle of the highway anymore.