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When I die, I’d like to go in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the other 4 people in the car.
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Common English mistakes:
Mixing up their, there or they’reWrong use of to, too or twoEnslaving innocent peoplePutting commas in the wrong place
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Chuck Norris once slapped a JPEG and it became a GIF
Are Chuck Norris jokes even still a thing???
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One-night stands are great with drummers
As opposed to guitarists, there’s no strings attached.
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Hamburgers and titjobs have a lot in common
They’re both just pieces of meat stuck in between 2 soft buns
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What’s the similarity between a hare and a pear?
They’re both green…Apart from the hare.
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French communists must be like
we, we! baguettes!
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Did you hear about the time traveling politician?
Their policies are ahead of the times
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3 men are lost in a desert
They’re on the verge of dying from dehydration when they find a genie lamp on the ground. They rub it and a genie comes out and says:”You have freed me from a 2000 years slumber. You will be rewarded with a wish each.” The first man, excited, asks to go back home and drink some of his mom’s delicious lemonade, his wish is granted. The second man asks to go back to his house to have a pool party with all his friends, his wish is also granted. The third and last man waits a little to think and says:”Now, I feel kinda lonely. I wish my 2 other friends would come back.”
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A women just gave birth
Soon after her husband pulled the doctor aside and asked him “How soon until we can have sex”?The doctor smiled and replied “I can meet you out back in 10 minutes!”
Jokes
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