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Jokes

  • Me: Mom meet my girlfriend.

    Mom: You sure about this? I think you deserve better.Me: But mom, I love her so much!Mom: I’m talking to her.


  • How do i stop my medieval music melodies from sounding like trap beats?

    I use minor scaled and it’s pretty hard to arrange notes.Here’s the MP3 if you want to hear. (Comes with an FLP if anyone wants to patch it up)https://www.mediafire.com/file/megsw5eoousq257/Anyone_fix.rar/fileI really want to make a song that fits the theme”The king is going to battle”but instead i get”The king is smoking pot while his villagers die”


  • Y stands for Yanker…

    The self-driving chap,He greases his pole and provokes his own sap.Absolved of the need of a quarrelsome wife,He humps himself nightly and lives a great life.


  • President Trump was impeached

    And I won a gold medal for finishing second in the Olympics.(He’s not technically impeached until third step: senate trial, majority republican senate)


  • My while loop breaks my program

    i am trying to write a simple hangman game in c it is only a prototype and when i run my code with my while loop in it i compile it and then run the exe in cmd and it instantly closes after running before any of the code is executed#include

    int main(int argc, char const *argv[]) {
    int Guesses = 0;
    int MaxGuesses = 6;
    int Completion = 0;
    char UserGuess;
    char Word[] = “fire”;

    while (Guesses == MaxGuesses)
    {
    if (Completion == 4) {
    printf(“You Wonn”);
    break;
    }

    printf(“Please Enter Your Guess It Can Only Be A Letter Not A Wordn”);
    printf(“The Word Is 4 Characters Longn”);


  • One day Jane found Tarzan in the jungle. He was lean and muscular and she was very attracted to him. During the course of their conversation, she asked what he did for sex.

    “Sex?” he asked. “What’s that?”She explained what sex was and he said, “Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!”Horrified, Jane said, “Oh, Tarzan you have it all wrong! I’ll show you how to do it properly.”She took off her dress, dropped to the ground and spread her legs wide.”Here,” she said, “You must put it in here.”Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and gave her a powerful kick in the crotch with his foot. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, “What the hell did you do that for?””Tarzan check for bees first!”


  • What did virgin Mary yell when she walked into her son masturbating?

    JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!


  • Why did Trump cross the road?

    He got evicted.


  • Lock your phone until you see a black screen…

    Let me know if you can see this joke.


  • Congrats to Trump

    He finally won a popular vote