Skip to content

Jokes

  • A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone

    “9-1-1, what is your emergency?””Oh my God, it’s my wife – she done been gored by a hog, she’s bleedin’ some real bad! Send help!””Calm down sir, and tell me where you are””I’m at 560 Eucalyptus Drive””Can you spell that for me, sir?””U… er… E, U… er… U… … Hang on a second, I’m gonna drag her down to Oak Street.”

  • Madness at the Snowman’s rave last night..

    All the Carrots were off their faces

  • Consulting a hotheaded doctor

    … a man says: ‘Doctor, I’m unable to lie down or stand up; I can’t even sit down.’ The doctor responds: ‘I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself.’

  • Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.

    Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world!Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!Boy: What problem?!Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother!Boy: Why not?! You married mine!

  • [$1400-2000, USA] Windows Computer for After Effects, Photoshop, and gaming. Include Monitor (dual if possible), keyboard, and mouse.

    I know that’s a pretty broad range, but I would like to see some options. I’m coming from a late 2014 27″ iMac. It has trouble with very large Photoshop/Illustrator files and has a tough time keeping up in After Effects, as well.Current specs:Mac (Retina 5K, 27-inch, Late 2014)Processor: 4 GHz Intel Core i7Memory: 24 GB 1600 MHz DDR3Graphics: AMD Radeon R9 M295X 4096 MBAny help is appreciated. I’m also considering just doing an SSD upgrade + eGPU (if possible?) on the iMac to extend it’s life, but I am willing to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

  • Princess: I shall marry whomever of you is the bravest

    Suitors: [all awkwardly look at the toaster]

  • A man was looking to buy a new phone.

    He went into an electronics shop and went to the phone section. He went and talked to the staff “This new phone is the newest phone in the market. You can even shower in it!” The man answered “Wheres the button?”

  • What does Santa Clause love the most about Mrs. Clause?

    The jingle physics

  • How do you make a hormone?

    Don’t pay her…..

  • Why do atheists love December?

    Because there’s three different religious holidays to make fun of people for celebrating.