Monday
It’s Sunday today, and if you are listening really carefully, you can hear how Monday is sharpening it’s claws.
One-Liners
The best one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
magnet
We call her magnet because she attractive from the back and repulsive from the front.
tha last night i…
The best moments in life are the ones you can’t put on Facebook
bad man
I’m atheist… But I still want the people I hate to burn in hell.
delete history
I wish my computer would stop asking me stupid questions. Of course I’m sure I want to clear my browser history.
My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said,…
My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said, motioning to the waitress, “don’t ever get married”
android
“yea you can use my charger, mine is full” -no Android user ever
every picture
I don’t get why people say, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is when you were younger.
someday I will…
I propose we add a day to the week and call it “someday”. Just imagine all the stuff that would get done on that day.
autocorect
My phone autocorrected “FUCK YOU, FUCKFACE!” to “Yeah, I can get those reports to you by 9am”