unrealistic
Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house…
One-Liners
The best one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Pro tip: if you must speak in court, do not put air quotes…
Pro tip: if you must speak in court, do not put air quotes around “the law”. Judges hate that.
always
I’m not an alcoholic; I just like having an attractive wife.
familiar
Is it just me or the words “Lawyer” and “Liar” sound a bit too familiar….??
barter
I told my son about the birds and the bees today. He told me about Mom and the mailman
either
If money can’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.
while I sleep
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
advise
Never get into an arm wrestling match with a guy who has been alone for 6 months
heaven
She calls it the silent treatment, I call it heaven on earth.
attention
Oh look, North Korea wants attention again.