One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

reason

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

5 missed calls from your girlfriend means, you missed a fuck; 5 missed calls from your wife means, you are fucked!

Never wave to your friends at an auction.

Just tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling some deaf girl I fucked her husband.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to windows 7. He replied “I still love vista, baby.”

I don’t always get text messages, but when I do they start with “Dear Customer..”

I just bought an answering machine and it doesn’t work. Or maybe I’m just asking it the wrong questions.

The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Diet Tip: Don’t visit your grandmother.

I learn from the mistakes of others who have taken my advise.