One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

advice

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.

Summer vacations: where you drink triple, see double and act single.

I start every Monday morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.

I have $.27 in my account…that means I have more money than the whole city of Detroit!

The only thing that men are good at cleaning are the Browser History.

Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.

I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations…

The people who complain about Mondays must not start drinking early enough.

Whenever somebody says that something is “better than sex”, I always think “better than sex with you maybe”.