One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

You can drown in 2 inches of water.

You can drown in 2 inches of water. I’m not stating facts, but I’m making suggestions.

Excuse me waiter, I’d like to return my food. It only received 10 likes on Instagram.

I knew my psychic was full of shit from the second she accepted my check.

I’m pretty sure Jägermeister translates to “I didn’t want to be productive tomorrow anyway”.

The self checkout was invented by a man who was sent to the store to buy tampons.

Opinions are like orgasms. Mine’s more important and I dont care if you have one.

You know what Victoria’s Secret is.. Over charging you for a tiny piece of fabric that can be pushed aside by a tongue.

My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the real reason I hired him.

My grandad asked me what I wanted for my birthday so I told him a ship in a bottle… Shame his hearing is getting bad.

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia…. I can’t sleep because I have internet.