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One-Liners

The best one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.

true love

True love is waking up in the middle of the night just to watch your laptop while it sleeps.

don’t ask

If you have to ask a woman if she came, she didn’t.

solver

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When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver.

almost cooking

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The recipe might be easy, but a reservation is easier.

exotic stare

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Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.

prefer

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Actually officer, I prefer to think scotch smells like me.

camouflage

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What if aliens designed their spaceships to look like airplanes?

too serious

I was in a serious relationship once. We never even smiled.

if you know what i mean

I’ve been called sugar, pumpkin, honey, cupcake, sweets…all kinds of damn food. I’m a girl, dammit. Eat me.