One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they…

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

I just won an Academy Award for acting surprised when my credit card was declined.

The new iPad Air will make your wallet very lighter.

moan louder every time the cashier scans one of your items

my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.

I had to change my relationship status on facebook to “It’s complicated” after breaking my right hand.

people with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.

“Truth or Dare” “Truth” “Whats your credit card number?”

Our family is so poor, we all Instagram the same plate of food.

I hope when Bruce Willis dies it’s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read “Bruce Willis Died Hard”