One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

to explain

If only God can judge us than Santa has some explaining to do.

I hate that they put “use by” dates on condoms… like I’m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.

If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.

A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together..

The good thing about smart cars is, if you get bored with the color, you can buy a bottle of nail polish and change it.

Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.

Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!

heres an excuse for bald men: its not a bald spot it’s a solar panel for a sex machine

I sent texts to the wrong people. Now my wife thinks I’m gonna fuck her, and my girlfriend thinks I work late.

people who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still update their MySpace profiles