Fun jokes

Boy wants to start dating a girl

Advertisements

Advertisements

 

>>Boy wants to start dating a girl
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to start dating this awesome girl!”
Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and this girl I’m dating is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”
This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can’t be dating any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says, “You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your father!”
“““““
Fetish Dating at ArouseDating.com is for singles with very specific fetishes.
VN:F [1.9.7_1111]

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

Advertisements

Advertisements

 

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.” Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.“Are you OK?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!”

Advertisements

Advertisements

 

Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.”Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.Son: “Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”The mother hugs him affectionately and says, “You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your father!”

JOKESTER

Wife: “I’ve heard, men start to go deaf, if he takes Viagra often.”

Husband: “Who the fuck is Jeff and why is he taking you to Niagra?

JOKESTER

I must admit, I really miss being at work and bitching about not wanting to be at work.

So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week…..

Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.The specialist in submersibles has gone under.A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.A tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road.The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.The local bakers has run out of dough.The clock manufacturer has had to wind down.The shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot.The local computer repair shop is suffering from virus issues.The Undertaker lost the plot.The tyre shop business went flat.The fencing contractor got posted out of town.And the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!

JOKESTER

The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbor….

JOKESTER

Alcohol….

Because, sometimes you need a warm hug from inside.

🍻🥃🍻

JOKESTER

Quarantining alone . ..
i set the table. , lit candles. turned down the lights , put soft music on… made 2 meals. ate Both

A 10 year old asks her mum how she was born.

Her mother smiles and answers: A long time ago your dad and I planted some seeds. Your dad pushed them in the ground and I took care of them every day.After a some time a wonderful and healthy plant grew out of the seeds. Well then we dried it, smoked it, got super high and didn’t use a condom.