When is the best time to commit suicide?
Ate a glock in the morning.
thefun
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem”
“Is she an alcoholic?” “No I am, but she is the one who suffers”
If the price of oil goes any lower
Exxon Mobil might have to lay off some members of Congress
I just learned how to lock pick
Its opened so many doors for me
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
A son asks his dad, “Why is my sister named Teresa?”
“Because your mom loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.” “Thanks Dad!” “You’re welcome Alan.”
“Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
“But I never went to college.” “Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here.”
I told my friends ten puns to try to make them laugh
But no pun in ten did
A man asks a female friend if she’d sleep with him for a million dollars…
“A million?” she says. “I guess so.” “Would you sleep with me for just one dollar?” he asks. “One dollar?! Hell no! What kind of… Read More »A man asks a female friend if she’d sleep with him for a million dollars…