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Jokes

  • Reminder

    Every time I have to fold laundry I consider becoming a nudist..
    Then I remember what I look like naked and I keep on folding.

  • 12 points

    G.F. :You treat our relationship like some kind of game. ?
    Me: this will cost you 12 points and a bonus round.

  • Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover…

    Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings..

    What the hell is leftover beer?

  • not my circus

    Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words:
    NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!

  • Still haven’t found

    Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS.
    It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

    ???

  • Still in paradise

    If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would all still be in Paradise, as they would have eaten the fucking snake.

    ???

  • Trying

    Boy asks mum, “Is it bad to have a penis?”
    She says “No, why?”

    “Because, dad is upstairs, trying to pull his off.”

    ???

  • Check

    My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the UPS driver knocked on our door to see if everything was alright

  • Problems solved

    Fall in love with your problems, maybe they’ll leave you too.

  • Only the…

    Anal Sex: The only time a man tries to convince you his dick really isn’t that big